Avengers: Endgame is fast approaching, and with a new retrospective teaser released just yesterday, anticipation continues to mount. Some men just want to watch the world burn, though, and spoilers for the film started popping up online on Monday after footage of the film’s ending apparently leaked. On Tuesday, directors Joe and Anthony Russo released a statement, as they did when Infinity War was released, imploring fans not to ruin the experience of watching Endgame for others:

The accompanying hashtag #DontSpoilTheEndgame quickly trended online, and even received its own official emoji on Twitter:
#DontSpoilTheEndgame hashtag for Avengers: Endgame
For the record, The Beat does not condone the sharing of spoilers based on leaked footage, and we haven’t watched said footage because we’re not monsters. If we had, though, I bet we would be totally shocked by the following completely made-up spoilers:

  • Tony Stark carries Peter Parker’s ashes around in a Ziploc bag.
  • Rocket meets and falls in love with a raccoon on Earth, but must leave him behind in order to save the universe.
  • Thanos spends his days rewatching The Office on Netflix; inspired by Dwight Schrute, he becomes a beet farmer.
  • Captain Marvel joins the Avengers, but agrees to sit out the final battle with Thanos because she doesn’t want to make the boys feel bad about themselves.
  • Continuing the tradition of Community cast member cameos in the Russo Brothers’ Marvel films, Chevy Chase reprises the role of Fletch in a flashback to a time when Chevy Chase was still popular.
  • In a stunning crossover of Disney-owned properties, Sheev Palpatine is revealed as the true villain of the MCU, and the remaining Avengers team with the Force ghosts of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda to defeat the Emperor and finally bring balance to The Force.
  • Perfect Strangers star Bronson Pinchot cameos as part of a support group for snap survivors (this one’s a deep cut for you The Leftovers fans).
  • The remaining Avengers have an arm-wrestling tournament; Steve Rogers and Thor face off in the finals.
  • Howard the Duck kicks Thanos in the shin.
  • Thanus.

Was this dumb? Yes. Was it better than actually spoiling a movie that people have been excitedly waiting a year to see? Also yes.
Avengers: Endgame opens on April 26, so be patient and #DontSpoilTheEndgame.
(Header image by Nikolay Mochkin)

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