Well, you would if you were on Tumblr or stayed up on your cosplay or on Ao3 I guess, so this post is STRICTLY for old people who are way behind the times. I mean, I knew all about Finn/Poe aka Stormpilot – the sparks between Oscar Isaac’s Poe and John Boyega’s Finn in The Force Awakens were so obvious that The Last Jedi has a ball playing with audience expectations (Finn! Naked! Leaking!) Of course, Oscar Isaac apparently has chemistry with anything, living or inanimate, but Stormpilot has been a shipper’s delight for a while.
But that’s yesterday’s OTP. The new hot couple is…
Admiral Hux and Kylo Ren????
What the? I mean would you want to have this dour duo over for Scrabble? Hux is a whiny prat and Kylo is a walking Depeche Mode song.
I’m basing this on the character counts from An Archive of our Own, the epic fanfiction repository that functions as a highly indexed and crosstabbed monitor of our subconscious desires. According to Ao3 the most popular Star Wars pairings, based on story counts, as are follows:
Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren (7416)
Poe Dameron/Finn (4443)
Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren (4385)
Kylo Ren/Rey (4127)
Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso (2651)
Leia Organa/Han Solo (2530)
Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren (2435)
Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi (2077)
Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker (1948)
Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker (1617)
You’ll note that the sole arguably healthy hetero pairing in the new Star Wars – Rose and Finn – is nowhere to be found on this list. The movie also set up Holdo/Leia and Holdo/Poe on a big old whiffleball tee – that Oscar Isaaac magic again!– but they didn’t make the top ten.
I don’t know what to make of the Hux/Kylo shipping – I didn’t even know Hux HAD a first name, let alone Armitage? – except that it’s two young, melodramatic, tightly wound, troubled guys, always an attractive pairing for writers – no need to even create tensions!
The Rey/Kylo pairing is also popular – and Shirtless Kylo played right into this fandom – despite cries that it’s an unhealthy relationship based on Kylo manipulating and even torturing Rey. Me, I say that “fan fiction” is a helpful way to explore feelings and tell exciting stories, and not necessarily something that you want to happen in real life.
Here’s the top ten tagged Star Wars characters on Ao3:
Armitage Hux (12033)
Kylo Ren (11758)
Rey (Star Wars) (10601)
Poe Dameron (10082)
Leia Organa (10053)
Ben Solo | Kylo Ren (9603)
Obi-Wan Kenobi (8785)
Finn (Star Wars) (8599)
Luke Skywalker (8173)
Han Solo (6005)
Rose Tico, I’m rooting for you! I’ll check back in six months and see who caught hold.
— Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC) May 9, 2016
Meanwhile, if you’re wondering who’s biggest in the Marvel U…well it’s absolutely NO SURPRISE. STUCKY 4EVAH!
James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers (28819)
Steve Rogers/Tony Stark (17042)
Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier (11953)
Clint Barton/Phil Coulson (9087)
Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov (8633)
Pepper Potts/Tony Stark (5217)
Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons (5116)
James “Bucky” Barnes & Steve Rogers (5006)
Loki/Tony Stark (4877)
Clint/Coulson? Really! I’m surprised to see 1 1/2 Agents of Shields pairings on there. But no Inhumans fanfic? A real loss. Medusa and Maximus!
Heidi MacDonald is the founder and editor in chief of The Beat. In the past, she worked for Disney, DC Comics, Fox and Publishers Weekly. She can be heard regularly on the More To Come Podcast. She likes coffee, cats and noble struggle.