Riverdale – Fear the Reaper
When we last left the residents of Riverdale, aka Murdertown, USA, Kurtz admitted to Skeet and Jughead that Jughead’s sister Jellybean’s fate was the object of the Gargoyle King’s latest quest.
Jughead and Skeet search for JB at home but find a note from the Gargoyle King instead. Gladys walks in just as this goes down. I wonder if she’s in on it; I’m also the first to admit Riverdale makes me paranoid.
Archie and the other boxers are at the hospital with Randy’s sister and Elio. Archie calls out Elio in the middle of the hospital waiting room for juicing Ronson. Elio denies it and threatens to sue Archie for killing Ronson in the ring. I get why Archie and the gang would be concerned for Randy, but I don’t get why they accompanied his family to the hospital. This seems like a wrong time and place for these well-meaninged but misplaced intentions.
Family G&G Night
Hmm, Maybe Mrs. Jones isn’t in on it. She beats Kurtz for answers but he doesn’t go down easy. He just keep that creepy smile going and tells them to play the game. Jughead thinks it’s the only way and talks his parents into playing. Of course he does. What parent on Riverdale doesn’t ultimately defer to their kid? Kurtz DM’s the game of G&G. Skeet is Deadeye, Jugs is Hellcaster and Gladys is the alchemist.
It was announced before this episode of Riverdale aired that this is Luke Perry’s final episode on Riverdale. Readers of this page know that I’ve been wondering week to week when we would see Luke’s final Riverdale scenes. Knowing it was coming this week didn’t make it any easier to watch. He’ll be missed.
Betty and Veronica meet with Hiram. Betty asks for her dad to be transferred to Hiram’s new prison. Apparently it’s much nicer than Hal’s current jail. Hiram gives a noncommittal “I’ll see what I can do.”
Mad Dog calls Archie, telling him to ditch the drugs Mad Dog gave him. The police raid the gym just as Archie pulls the drugs from his locker. Like, immediately, as if they were waiting for him. I’d love to see what Archie’s police file looks like.
There will be a reckoning!
Kurtz has the Joneses open pouches. If they reveal a black Marble, they have to reveal a secret. Of course, Gladys immediately pulls the black marble. She says she doesn’t have any secrets. Jughead calls out her lie. Gladys admits to being the new fizzle rocks dealer in Riverdale. Skeet isn’t happy, I mean he really isn’t happy. Kurtz is loving it. Skeet says first they save Jellybean, but after that, “there will be a reckoning!” Man, you do not want to see Skeet when he’s angry.
Josie calls her dad, leaving a message because she saw that he has a nearby gig.
Toni fills Betty in on the latest machinations at the Farm. Farm Dad is planning his wedding to Alice, and also plans to adopt her grandkids, Betty’s niece and nephew.
This scene is just gross.
Veronica posts bail for Mad Dog and Archie. While they’ve been locked up, Elio has been telling the news media that Randy died because Archie provided him with drugs. Veronica has a plan. She has them drink something and then take a pee test. At the lab, Mad Dog casually tosses his sample in the air to himself and I have never been more grossed out something on Riverdale, or TV for that matter…and I’m the regular Game of Thrones recapper for Comics Beat.
Veronica holds a press conference at Pops announcing both Archie and Mad Dog’s pee tests came back clean. Doesn’t that just prove that Archie wasn’t a user, not that he wasn’t a dealer?
Elio storms the press conference with Randy’s family in tow. Randy’s sister slaps Archie in the face and yells that Archie killed her brother. Archie says he wishes it was him and not Randy who died. I mean, empathy is one thing, but that’s going a little overboard.
Farm + Measles = No More Farm Subplot
At school, it turns out that the Farm doesn’t vaccinate. Betty overhears this and decides to have a look at Farm Girl’s file. That night, she breaks into the offices at school to find Farm Girl’s file. Let’s see what other vaccines you missed, lady! Betty photographs the pages in the file.
Kurtz is still leading the Jones family G&G game. Do they break during the day or have they been playing straight through since last night? It’s easily been at least one full day since they started this game, maybe two. Their next mission is robbing “the tavern,” aka Pops. The money will buy Kurtz a ticket out of town, and he promises Jellybean will be free in that case. I don’t see the connection to him leaving town meaning JB will go free, but whatever.
Archie runs to Veronica in the middle of the night. He feels responsible for Randy’s death. Veronica suggests a benefit concert at La Bon Hui. Hmm, is Archie staying the night? It is raining pretty hard.
Who is answering at this hour?
Betty pretends to be a high school official working late at night and calls Farm Girl’s old school trying to find dirt on her. Amazingly, someone answers. Who is this office staff still on duty? I guess her old school could be in a severely different time zone. It turns out she called five schools and about to call number six. They’re all picking up??
Betty found out from her calls that Farm Girl has been pretending to be a junior for over a decade now. She enlists the help of Ms. Weiss from social services, who says she’ll make some calls.
Gladys, Jughead and Skeet case Pops. Skeet can’t believe they’re doing this. Me either. Gladys hints they used to do this on the regular. Jughead’s like, “Um, what?” Did he forget that his parents ran a gang that he now runs?
Cat’s in the cradle with the silver spoon…
Josie is having dinner with her dad at Pops. She wants to go on tour with him. Her dad shoots her down, but agrees to come to her show at La Bon Nui.
Skeet and company rob Pops to music from Pulp Fiction. Sadly, no one yells, “Any of you fucking pricks move and I’ll execute every last one of ya!” Pops grabs a gun and shoots back. He nearly takes them out with his shotgun before Jughead unmasks and says “This isn’t how it looks.” Pops doesn’t fire again, but Skeet’s been shot! Gladys and Jugs run, leaving dad at Pops.
Josie has the best line of the episode with “Now do you see why I need to get the hell out of this town” as this goes down.
When he gets back to the house, Jughead cleans Kurtz’s clock.
Betty tells Hal that his transfer papers to Hiram’s swank new jail were processed. Hal is still doing his Hannibal Lector routine. He tells Betty that Juniper and Dagwood must be protected when she tells him about Farm Dad’s plan to adopt them. Hals says someone else might help her.
Cut to Betty meeting with Penelope Blossom. Aunt Penelope’s not down with Farm Dad adopting her grandkids. Betty plays her well, comparing Farm Dad’s plan to Penelope’s own adoption.
Penelope manages to negotiate one of the babies away from the Farm. Since Polly, their mother, is at the Farm, that’s the best she could do. She immediately changes his name Dagwood to Jason Junior. Never not creepy, those Blossoms.
Elio stops by Archie’s gyrm with some muscle. But he’s there just to pay Archie for his Ronson fight, not beat him up. Archie kicks Elio and his money out of his gym. At least take the money, Archie.
Kurtz, Jughead and Gladys relocate to the bunker to continue the G&G game. Gladys suggests fleeing town after saving JB. Jughead isn’t keen on pulling up roots.
After hearing that Elio won’t pay the Ronson family’s insurance, Archie is furious. If Archie had the ability to see past his own nose, he would have taken Elio’s money for the Ronsons.
The Trial with the Cyclops
Kurtz announces that The Trial with the Cyclops is the next quest. Kurtz takes Gladys and Jughead to the former Gargoyle Den, now a Serpent lair. A one-eyed and Heavy Metal Magazine dressed Penny Peabody is the Cyclops! Gladys and Penny battle with sais. It’s like a low rent Elektra movie. Gladys is ready to kill her, but Jughead stops her before Glady’s sai goes into Penny’s throat. It goes in Penny’s leg instead. Jughead gets his mom out of there and to the hospital.
Josie performs at La Bon Nui. Her dad no-showed.
Archie confronts Elio. He now wants his money. Archie plan on giving it to Ronson’s family. Archie is willing to take the money forcefully if he needs to.
Josie sings some Amy Winehouse. Man, she’s a really good singer. And it turns out that dad is in the audience, clapping longer than anyone else. She impressed him and he invites her on tour.
The Farm Family manages to get weirder
Ms. Weiss pays Betty a visit. Betty was right. Farm Girl is 26, and also Farm Girl is really Farm Wife, not Farm Daughter! Oh boy.
Gladys went to the ER with a broken arm and a ruptured kidney. It’s just Jughead and Kurtz now. Kurtz drives Jughead to the next quest.
Archie meets with Randy’s sister. She pulls out the full “my brother the boxer was hooked on drugs bit” that every boxer’s sister or love interest pulls out in movies about boxers these days. It’s like she’s auditioning for a CW The Fighter TV reboot. Archie gives her the prize money and donations they raised from Josie’s show.
Toni and Betty attempt to break Betty’s niece out of the Farm. But Toni played her! She’s gone full Farm now! And when Betty tells her mom about Farm Girl really being Farm Wife, we find out Alice knew it already. The Farmies encircle Betty, smiling. They’re there to recruit Betty. They all chant “Join us” repeatedly like a real cult. Is it working? Betty flashes back to her vision of the twins being dropped in fire and runs. The Farmies chase but we all know from earlier this season that Betty is a track star. She gets to her car and takes off.
The Lady and the Tiger
Kurtz brings Jughead to an abandoned lot to play a round of the lady and tiger. Behind one door is his sister, the other his doom, Kurtz tells him. Jughead picks a door. It’s empty. Wait, both are empty. Kurtz pulls a gun and wants Jug to climb into the fridge. He won’t go in until he knows JB is safe. Kurtz calls JB, who answers. JB says she’s home, playing with her pal Ricky. She sounded very calm, too calm. Krutz locks Jugs in the cabinet and tells Ricky to kill JB. Jughead shoulders the door until it opens. He finds a dead Kurtz on the ground and the Gargoyle King behind him. Jugs runs. Was Kurtz killed for going off-script?
Jughead finds JB home safe and sound. It turns out Ricky left after the call.
But which Endgame?
Josie breaks the news to Archie that she’s leaving town. I wonder how quickly he’s back in Veronica’s arms. Josie plans on leaving town immediately. Doesn’t she need to finish out the school year? She tells Archie that the two of them aren’t Endgame. Does she mean Avengers: Endgame or Taylor Swift Endgame?
The judge does lenient on Skeet due to extenuating circumstances. Gladys plans to skip town with JB as soon as she’s out of the hospital. Jughead wants them both to stay. Gladys says it would be best for everyone if she just disappears for a bit. JB isn’t happy to be left behind by mom. Skeet isn’t trusting of Gladys, but wishes her the best on her way out. Gladys isn’t wearing makeup since the hospital, almost to show she’s hit a turning point.
No shirtless Archie, but shirtless Elio and Hiram? Geez, Hiram looks oiled up like a wrestler.
Mad Dog wants Archie to spar. Archie isn’t keen on getting back in the ring. and doesn’t want to be known as the Riverdale Reaper. Veronica calls him the Red Hope and convinces him to get back in the ring.
Later, Veronica drops a bomb on Betty. There was an accident on Hal’s prison bus. It crashed. There were no survivors. He’s dead! (Or is he…?)