Riverdale is back! Well, this is it. We’re in the home stretch of what has been the wildest season of Riverdale to date. If you need catching up on what went down previously, head here.

Deputy Jughead

The episode begins with Skeet and Jughead standing over the body of Baby Teeth at the scene of his demise. Skeet asks for Jughead’s help taking photos of Baby Teeth. Jughead theorizes this might be the work of a copycat killer, because someone pulled Baby Teeth’s teeth, and Jughead has all that forensics training. Or is this the real Gargoyle King saying he’s back?

He sees dead people.

Farm Dad Edgar and Betty meet in a candlelit room at the former Sisters of Quiet Mercy. He spins Betty an origin story about being near death in the dessert and being saved by a kind farmer. After that save, he decided to open his own farm, hence the Farm. Betty responds basically with, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, but how are you making living people see dead people?”
Archie and the other teen convicts turned boxers are mourning Baby Teeth when Mad Dog returns. He announces he’s going to dedicate his first fight to Baby Teeth. Elio is holding a boxing tournament. Archie wants in.
Farm Squad hits the halls of Riverdale High, dressed like they’re headed to Diddy’s white party in the Hamptons. Cheryl gives the Farm free PR in her morning announcements. With Weatherbee a Farmie, I’m surprised the Farm doesn’t have its own class during the day.

Betty fills in the gang in on the Farm’s weird ability to allow people to commune with their dead relatives. They’re a bit unbelieving. Can you blame them?

Farming Queen, Young and Sweet, Only 17…

Toni blames Betty for Cheryl becoming queen of the Farmies overnight. Betty explains to her the whole seeing dead Jason thing. She enlists Toni’s help in breaking Cheryl of the Farm’s embrace by sending Toni the video of Clifford killing Jason. Just as I’m wondering why Betty still has that video, she tells Toni she needs to take this call from her dad. You know, her dad, the serial killer. I’m beginning to subscribe to the theory that every season of Riverdale is setting the stage for Betty to be the big bad psycho killer of the final season.
Veronica visits Elio is the men’s steam room at the gym. Weird place for a confrontation, V. She wants him to let Archie into his boxing tournament. He declines, calls Archie a mean name and kicks her out.

Autopsies for Dummies.

Dr. Curdle Jr autopsies Baby Teeth. According to Dr. Curdle Jr., Baby Teeth died by loss of blood and having his teeth pulled out. Thanks for that killer insight, doc. Curdle also says he found a matchbook from the Maple Club lodged in Baby Teeth’s throat. He’s particularly bothered by that detail and describes it as the most gruesome thing he has seen. Does he not remember that last 2+ seasons of Riverdale?

Jughead and Skeet interview Penelope Blossom about the matchbook. She claims Baby Teeth attended her club with a few excon friends recently. Wait, isn’t Baby Teeth a minor? I’m guessing running a whorehouse runs afoul of the law, but giving their services to minors must run it afoul doubly so. Jughead is fastidiously taking notes. You’re a little too into what Penelope is saying here, Jughead.
Just then, a john foaming at the mouth attacks Penelope’s girls. Luckily, Skeet was there to coldcock him. The john, Martin, liked taking fizzle rocks before having sex, but went crazy this time. Who’s cooking up this bad batch?

Riverdale Action News

Alice interviews Veronica and Archie on TV about their new El Royale Boxing Club. Archie calls out Randy Ronson on the news, looking for a rematch.

Hal tells Betty that her mom filed for divorce. Betty tells him about the Farm. Hal suggests she show her mom Charles’s headstone to drive home the point that her son is dead.
Elio informs Veronica that Randy is a middleweight now. If Archie wants to fight him, he’ll have to put on weight. Veronica flips a coin for who gets to host the fight. She wins and I think she somehow worked the flip.

Full Farm

Toni shows Cheryl the video of Mr. Blossom killing Jason. Cheryl says that video can be faked and soon storms out. She’s full Farm.
Betty asks her mom if she’s engaged to Farm Dad. Alice says they have a “deep understanding of each other.” She lingers on the word deep long enough for me to say “Ew.”
Betty takes Alice to Charles’s grave. It doesn’t do the trick. Alice is as in deep in Farm town as Cheryl. Betty then knocks out her mom with chloroform, and we take one step further down the road to psycho killer Betty.

Body by Pops

Archie eats burgers at Pops nonstop so that he can weigh in as a middleweight, and we get our first shirtless KJ Apa of the episode at the weigh-in.

Betty handcuffs Alice to the bed in the bunker. She is scaring me more than the Gargoyle King this episode. She gives her mom a one-on-one intervention. Betty doesn’t want to lose her mom. It comes out that Betty faked the gravestone. Alice says she can’t possibly trust her now. Betty announces she has to go to school, but will come back to check on her. Betty is officially the scariest person on Riverdale.
Even Jughead is concerned about Betty locking Alice in the bunker.

These G users are like Afterlife With Archie Coming to Riverdale

Some cheerleader repeatedly bangs her head into a hall locker and foams at the mouth. “She took some G,” another cheerleader tells Jughead. Skeet calls Jughead saying he’s got a guy doing the same in his squad car. The two Joneses convene at the police station and go over theories. Skeet thinks the fizzle focks are being cut with something, like bath salts. For a guy who is supposed to be class, Jughead spends a lot of time at his dad’s office. I wonder what his GPA is. Low one point somethings?

Farm Girl confronts Toni in the girls room. Careful who you step to, Farm Girl. Toni will cut you!
Mad Dog tells Archie that Ronson is juicing, but it’s not steroids. It’s some powder that’s making him crazy strong. Hmm, could it be the same stuff we’ve been seeing all about town today? Mad Dog gives something to Archie to take. Archie’s not down with drugs, but Mad Dog gives them to him just in case. I know I’m paranoid, but I think Archie is being set up here.

Pay attention, Pops

That crazy Gargoyle Kid who stabbed Archie plays G&G at Pops with JB. Oh nuts. Also, hey Pops, don’t you recognize this kid?

The john from earlier tells Skeet that Kurtz made the drugs. Skeet tells Jughead he plans on paying Hiram Lodge a visit. But is Hiram the real Kingpin? I feel a twist coming.
Betty returns to the bunker to find it smoking. Alice is out of her cuffs and burning the photo album Betty left her with. This family and fires…

Farm Girl confronts Betty next. Alice missed bed check at the Farm. When Farm Girl threatens that they have more copies of their tapes, Betty slams her into a locker and lands a shoulder to her throat. Betty then flat out says she’ll kill Farm Girl if she keeps messing with her.

Toni tries to get Cheryl to skip Farm meeting for some “quality time.” It seems to work.

Archie and the boxers visit Baby Teeth’s grave. He announces that when they fight tomorrow, they’re fighting for Baby Teeth. Snow is on the ground. What month is this?

Skeet and Jughead interview a G user. What happened to paying Hiram a visit?

Betty Cooper: The Darkness Within

Betty listens to Alice’s tapes from the Farm. Alice admits to being afraid of Betty, that Betty has the same darkness in her as Hal. Man, psycho killer Betty is a heavy theme of this episode.
Jughead and Skeet end up back at The Maple Club. Some preppie kids were hanging out there waiting for a dealer. The dealer never showed, but someone left a leaflet promoting the fight at Archie’s gym. Skeet plans to lay down a sting and bust Kurtz there.
Betty storms in on Farm Dad. I half expect Betty to kill him right now. “You like people seeing ghosts? Now they can see yours!” She doesn’t actually say that, but I feel it coming. Farm Dad talks his way out of Betty’s wrath. His words ring true enough with Betty that she frees her mom from the bunker (not before blindfolding her Bird Box style) and delivering her to Farm Girl at Pops’s parking lot.

Veronica presents Archie with new boxing shorts and a robe. They almost kiss before she pulls away. Just when I think this is the first episode post-Luke Perry passing away, he shows up to comment on Archie and Veronica. Man, I’m really going to miss him being on Riverdale.

Farm Team +1

Cheryl breaks up with Toni in the girls locker room. Farm Girl gave Cheryl an ultimatum: it’s Toni or Jason. Despite Toni pointing out that Jason is a ghost and she is real, Cheryl says she has to pick Jason. Unless…

Toni joins the Farm!
Plot twist! Toni is undercover at the Farm, spying for Betty.
Skeet and Jughead stake out Archie’s gym on fight night. They spot  Kurtz and bust him mid-deal. He’s smiling way too much for a guy getting arrested.
Question: why doesn’t Archie’s robe say Red Paladin?

Josie notices Archie’s new shorts and robe. She doesn’t seem thrilled about the idea of Veronica buying Archie his new kit. Can anyone blame her? Fred is also in the audience, and I swoon a bit.

Thirst Aid!

Elio spikes Randy’s Gatorade with some G.

There has to be something of significance to that drawing in Hal’s cell, right? Betty convinced him to sign the divorce papers. I will never stop being surprised by how much the kids are in charge on Riverdale. Hal wants a favor in return. He wants to come home. Wait, does Betty have pardoning power?

Archie gets some good shots in, but Ronson is an animal, fighting with ferocity and pummeling Archie in the corner, even after the bell. Archie tells Mr. Keller that Ronson is on some kind of drug. Keller calls for the ref, but Elio tells them that the only way the match ends is if Archie gives up. Since when can a promoter override a ref? Mr. Keller gives Archie some strategy, but how do you use strategy against someone not feeling any pain who also hits like a truck. Never mind. Archie knocked him out right quick.

Uh-oh, Randy isn’t getting back up. Archie goes to Randy’s side and calls for a doctor.
Skeet and Jughead interview Kurtz, who answers with his trademark weirdness. Kurtz tells them that Baby Teeth was only the warm up. The real quest involves JB, who was been summoned by the King.
Creepy Kid takes JB into the woods, where she encounters the Gargoyle King in the flesh, (er, in the twigs?).


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