The first trailer for the final Peter Jackson movie set in Middle Earth has been released, and it seems The Hobbit; The Battle of the Five Armies will be a three hour battle scene between small dots representing orcs and small dots representing elves. Along the way Lee Pace, Richard Armitage, Martin Freeman, Luke Evans, Orlando Bloom and many other hot hot guys will glower and look sad while getting shouty about who gets to battle where.

I’m there.


This trailer significantly DOWNPLAYS the whole White Council storyline, in which Galadriel, Gandalf, Saruman and some buds go to Dol Guldur and mix it up with Sauron in an early form known as The Necromancer. This is pretty much the money shot of the whole, endless, Dwarf-farting, Elf-singing, people of Laketown-cowering, Thorin-squabbling, Kili-flirting trilogy. Also downplayed….SMAUG.

The final episode of The Hobbit totes has the best scenes, what with the arrows and the burning and the fighting and the casting out and all that. But it’s been such a loooong journey here…

A’i na vedui, Dúnadan!

The Hobbit; The Battle of Five Armies opens on December 17th, 2014.


  1. I just won’t be seeing this one.

    Peter Jackson took a fish out of water story and turned it into a story about everything BUT the fish. The heart and soul of the original tale, Bilbo, has become just another piece of dressing in a tedious story about dwarves whose personalities are evident solely through their clothing and hairstyle choices.

    I’ll just rewatch the animated version, which at least was about a Hobbit.

  2. You’d think that with all his millions Peter Jackson could afford to rent more colours than only teal and orange!…

  3. I do plan on seeing this through to the end, but they’ve just tried to put too much into this trilogy. I don’t know how much of it is the studio wanting to get one more movie’s worth of audience receipts and how much is the filmmakers wanting to take advantage of their last chance to film Middle Earth.

    I suspect this trilogy would have made one kick-ass duology (including the White Council story) or a fun single movie (sticking to the book). There’s good material in there, but not enough to support three long movies’ worth of runtime.

  4. Be careful, Heidi, the Peter Jackson fanboys will blast you for not taking this movie with grave seriousness.

    I have no interest in seeing this. And I hear that INTERSTELLAR isn’t that great, either.

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