Dt Butlernew-1We’re pretty exhausted here at SBM. Not only are we putting the finishing touches on THE NIGHTMARE FACTORY graphic novel we’ve been editing in our space time, but this whole man vs. woman thing is surprisingly EXHAUSTING! Jeez louise, once you mention “boobs” you unleash a raging flood of bottled up angst and anxiety! We have one more essay planned, on female creators and a few other loose ends, but we’re going to rest up today and tend to other matters.

To relax, we did a little Google for DDGB and we’re terribly afraid that the 300 worldwide icon yadda yadda deal may have gone to his head. Not only has he gone from below-the-radar acting guy to tabloid hanging-out-with-porn–stars (Stormy Daniels? What kind of name is that???), banging-Naomi-Campbell guy, but he’s signing up for a kiddie movie produced by Walden Media called NIM’S ISLAND where he gets to play Abigail (Little Miss Sunshine) Breslin’s dad.

Based on the Wendy Orr children’s book of the same name, Nim’s Island concerns the resourceful daughter (Breslin) of a scientist (Butler) on a remote tropical island. When her father is lost at sea, she begins communicating through e-mail with the authoress of one of her favorite books (Jodie Foster) and, with distant coaching, begins to handle her difficulties on the island. It’s hard to think of two bigger recent breakout Hollywood stars than Butler and Breslin, so the idea of them battling together onscreen against greedy tour companies is rather intriguing.

Gerry, we know you are firmly committed to getting old and fat now, but missing dad? Seriously, with Oscar®-nominee Abigail on screen, no one is even going to LOOK at you! Ask Mel Gibson. And now you are not even going to be in WATCHMEN, so you can star in a Brian de Palma sequel. And whatever you do, don’t play He-Man!
And you need a STYLIST, fast, Tubby! Look at the way you showed up at Cannes…and that get-up on the right is what you wore to accept a LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD for looking like a piece of steel! We know you don’t drink any more, so you don’t even have the Paula Abdul excuse!
Oh and don’t bother going up on a rooftop and smoking a cigarette and looking all hot…you didn’t dress yourself! Gimme a break.

You used to be so COOL when you were OUR Gerry…now you are just…oh, never mind.

…Stormy Daniels…


  1. The irony of this post after all the women objectification business is too much for me. I especially like the part where it is mentioned how the boobs stuff is so tiring and a break is needed to discuss the hotness, style and tubbiness of Gerard Butler. Nice.

  2. Josh! I wish you had a website so I could high-five you. Mainly because you said exactly what I was thinking as I read this. How can we get away from the “she’s so fat” speak of Hollywood if we’re going to call THAT (and I’m referring to Mr. Butler here) “tubby”? He’s a completely different body type from Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom (first two that come to mind) so I’m sure he has more of an issue with keeping off weight than those two, who were obviously blessed by the weight-gods.

    As for what kind of name Stormy Daniels is….a scary one? It does sound somewhat like a comic book superheroine, though. Anyone know what her face looks like. I didn’t see it. Hey! A girl can look at boobs, too! ;)

  3. Heidi, what did the Butler man do to piss you off so? After all the DDGB at Comic-Con, you’re being a bit harsh aren’t you?

    If his acting starts getting sloppy then you can kick his ass down the proverbial well, but until then…..give him a break. He’s just a guy enjoying his place in the spotlight and obviously enjoying the “carbs” of his labor.

    As for the tabloids…..do you REALLY believe everything you read?

  4. Heidi, what’s your problem with Gerry? It that’s tubby, all men should be so lucky. Some of his sartorial choices have been less than stellar, but most of the time he looks as good as any other Hollywood star and better than most.

    And the porn star Stormy Daniels? Gerry was at the same event and didn’t even know who she was until the photographer asked them to pose together. They weren’t “hanging out” together.

    I think Gerry is showing common sense and savvy to pick such a diverse choice of roles. Sci-fi, family and period gangster. Sounds to me like he is choosing roles that will stretch him as an actor and let the public see his extraordinary acting chops.

  5. I’m not sure what this guy did to deserve the not so nice comments. If you know anything about him you should know first that he’s just about the hottest guy in hollywood. Hard or softerer body…doesn’t matter. A combination of rugged looks,(come hither eyes included) kind heart, and an intense passion for what he loves to do is uncompromised by any other actor. So he doesn’t have the best fashion sense…how many of us really do? Leave him alone. That’s what I say..but you know it won’t matter what you write about. It will never knock him down. He’s going to the top whether you like it or not!! Go Gerry!

  6. Dumbest post I’ve ever read. What happend did he turn you down for a one night stand? Get over yourself Heidi I’m sure you’re no prize yourself.

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