200907201113Oh yeah, baby it’s on! Angered after being left out of the WATCHMEN Director’s Cut, jumbo squid are swarming the oceans near San Diego because it’s PAYBACK TIME.

The beaked Humboldt squid, which grow up to 5ft (1.5 metres) long, arrived off the city’s shores last week. Divers have reported unnerving encounters with the creatures, which are carnivorous and can be aggressive. One diver described how one of the rust-coloured creatures ripped the buoyancy aid and light from her chest, and grabbed her with its tentacles.

Wow, it’s not only a jumbo squid attack, it’s a HENTAI jumbo squid attack!

Known as giant flying squid, the beasts do not actually fly — but they do possess parrot-like beaks that could easily rip out a chunk of flesh, experts say.

Scientists also claim that the squid are only found in deep waters and so pose no threat to regular swimmers, but we pooh pooh these naysayers and predict that the seemingly placid waters of San Diego Bay are about to become the scene of a savage battle between humans and beasts. Humans — who normally subdue squid using a light, seasoned breading and a few slices of lemon — will this time need squads of Elite Security personnel, armed with harpoon guns.

The attacks are also reminiscent of a 2002 assault, when hundreds of dead squid washed up on San Diego beaches just before con, leading to what was described by many as “a bad smell.”

They’ll keep fighting…and they’ll win!

UPDATED to include tasty Kaluta squid art. More here.


  1. CBR has hired two former Navy Seals who specialized in WET services to secure our yacht against Giant Squid attacks for the entirety of the convention. No Giant Squid is taking us down!

  2. They’re just creatures trying to share the planet with us people, chill! As long as we demonize them, they will be feared till extinction. :(

    Humboldt are very inquisitive and intelligent. I love how once an animal shows some intelligence back at us, we immediately ‘fear’ them. We’re still scared little monkeys, poking things we fear with sticks….

    @ A-Rod, the japanese eat everything that comes from the sea, I don’t know why this is any different. Besides, they devastate their own waters, it’s no surprise that nature would retaliate.

  3. No worries Michael. It was a bit of a joke. The cnn story drescribes the jellyfish as “leaving a trail of destruction and human misery in their wake” which I thought was tastelessly funny hyperbole.

    We’re just playing with sci-fi disaster movie stereotypes here. I have nothing against any creatures of the sea, in fact I am especially fond of them when breaded and deep fried.

    But seriously, I appreciate that there is somebody out there to stand up for these beautiful creatures. After all being invertabrates they really can’t stand up at all themselves.