Saving Private Andrews is the theme of this week’s Riverdale. Archie was there when Eric’s legs were blown off him. He still has PTSD about it. Speaking of PTSD, so does Eric, pointing his gun out the window into the night and then at Archie when Archie tries to intervene. Thankfully, Uncle Frank manages to subdue Eric. I think this is the first time in the history of Riverdale that I have been thankful for Uncle Frank.

Betty is back at the truck stop, posing as a trucker. She picks up a trucker peeing on the side of the road. When she asks if he has cash, he bangs on the truck and a team of FBI agents jumps out. Whoops. Leading the group is Glen, her ex-partner. Glen reminds Betty that she’s no longer in the FBI and takes her badge and gun.

Cheryl in Red Riding Hood garb walks in the woods at night and comes across Kevin. She knows why he’s there. He runs off in embarrassment and she keeps walking.

The next morning, Uncle Frank asks Archie about Eric’s and his bouts of PTSD. Uncle Frank suggests Eric see professional help.

Veronica has a new employee at the jewelry store: Reggie! Car sales must be down. Jewelry sales are down too, so Veronica starts a side hustle brokerage firm at the store.

Veronica's Riverdale jewelry store has a new employee: Reggie Mantle

Cheryl stops by Kevin’s classroom. Kevin admits to be back to cruising. Cheryl wants to help him by having him join her church. Hasn’t he already done the cult thing on Riverdale?

Tabitha has a plan to catch the highway killer. She wants to run a promotion that would lure truckers into Pops or the White Wyrm. Betty suggests Coyote Uglying up the Worm. Tabitha likes it. Can’t Fight the Moonlight is one of Tabitha’s go-to’s. She’s in.

Uncle Frank picked up a therapy dog for Archie and Eric. Vegas II? Whatever happened to Vegas I? He died while Archie was overseas. Uncle Frank notices that Vegas II’s ears are clipped.

Nana Rose joined the Blossom Church as organist on Riverdale

Nana Blossom has joined the church, playing organ music. It was literally one episode ago that she and Cheryl were eye-rolling this idea.

Veronica can’t find any investors with her cold calls. Reggie offers to help, but Veronica chastises him that he can’t just start trading. He needs “to understand finance, politics, diplomacy.” I was hoping Reggie would fire back, “Apes strong together! Hodl!” but instead, he points out he can close sales, from his car lot experience. She gives him 2 hours to close a client.

Betty and Tabitha pitch their Coyote Ugly idea to Fangs

Tabitha and Betty pitch their Coyote Ugly idea to Fangs, calling it Wild Foxes. Fangs wants to know who will be the hot ladies? “Us,” says Betty.

Archie tries again, futilely to call the VA to get help for Eric. Thankfully Vegas II seems to be doing the trick. Archie tells Uncle Frank he’s thinking about Bingo, a stray dog his platoon adopted that didn’t make it.

Reggie Mantle: Wolf of Main St

With minutes left until the close of the stock exchange, Reggie gives the hard sell to a lead and lands him. Veronica is impressed, and Reggie has a new job. I have a feeling this business is going to Boiler Room up quickly.

Kevin tells Cheryl that he wasn’t impressed with the service. Cheryl is uncharacteristically not hurt and vengeful about this. Cheryl advises he goes to Fangs to make amends. Kevin gives it a shot. Unfortunately, it’s not a good time. Fangs has a guest. It’s Moose, looking very grunge. Kevin does not like that both of his exes are seeing each other and storms out.

Moose Returns to Riverdale

Archie flashes back to Eric losing his legs again. Bingo whelps in the background. Except Bingo is out in no man’s land. Archie wants to get Bingo, but Eric pulls him back. It’s too dangerous. There is too much enemy fire, and Eric will die if Archie gets killed out there. This is how Bingo died so that Eric could live. In the present, Eric wakes up Archie. Vegas II is missing. But Uncle Frank found him. Where? Sleeping in the closet. Awwww.

Reggie and Veronica are on fire, signing new clients. They’re the Wolves of Route 59. Rockland County joke there. IYKYK. Reggie has an idea that stabs his old boss in the back. Reggie wants to go after SoDale investors, have them pull out of there, and invest with them instead. I feel like this is how Reggie dies.

Vegas II bit Eric. Archie wants to bring him back to the shelter. Uncle Frank doesn’t want to, saying the dog is from a dogfighting ring. Archie is pissed that dogfighting came to Riverdale.

Reggie and Veronica start sniping SoDale investors. Pearls and Posh is their firm’s name. One of the investors call Hiram, and Hiram and Veronica get into an ROI bidding war with both throwing out totally fictional numbers that this dude totally believes at face value. Ms. Posh is Veronica’s alias. Smart. Use a fake name when stealing from Hiram.

Kevin runs to Cheryl. He’s ripe for her church’s picking.

Coyote Ugly Comes to Riverdale

Cheryl is helping out Betty at Coyote Ugly Comes to Riverdale. As is Alice, Kevin, Veronica, and Reggie. They’ve got cameras set up to ID the truckers. Kevin and Reggie will be checking out the trucks outside while the truckers party inside.

Fangs gives Archie info on the dogfighting ring. Archie wants to hurt the guy in charge.

Tabitha leads a rendition of Poison’s Nothing But A Good Time atop the bar. It’s the perfect cover to let Kevin and Reggie search the trucks. Alice gets a call at the bar from the two of them. She alerts Betty. Betty, Kevin, and Reggie all dress as FBI agents and question a trucker whose truck is full of contraband. Betty, didn’t you already learn not to impersonate an FBI agent? What’s in the truck? Nothing. It’s empty. But there’s blood back. The trucker says it’s cow blood. Betty asks for manifests to prove it, which he has.

Betty, Reggie and Kevin playing FBI agents at Pops

Archie tells Kevin and Fangs to free the dogs; he’s heading inside. Archie beats the head of the dogfighting ring bloody. He tells the guy that if he touches another dog, Archie will dig his grave himself.

Betty texts Tabitha on Riverdale

Coyote Ugly didn’t yield any real results, just a bunch of contact info for truckers. But then a trucker pulls up as Betty is leaving. Betty lets him pick her up after noticing blood on his cab door. Betty texts Tabitha before hopping in. The trucker is super creepy saying it’s a beautiful thing watching someone pass, watching the light fade from their eyes. He says he’s talking about his grandma, but come on. The trucker wants to stop to pee. Smooth hook-up move, dude. Sorry, I meant gross. When he gets out, he pulls a knife and comes around to Betty’s side. She kicks the door in his face and then kicks him in his face. She calls Tabitha, but for some reason completely turns her back on the trucker as she makes the call. He runs off while she’s on the phone. Tabitha advises not doing anything crazy. Ha ha, the trucker went to get a chainsaw. I’m amazed Betty doesn’t have a backup pistol beside her FBI-issued gun. She hides out in the cab. He cuts his way through the roof! Of his own truck! Betty flees, and then chucks a hammer at him and knocks him out. Tabitha arrives just in time for this.

Riverdale Chainsaw Massacre

Uncle Frank easily figures out that Archie went after the dogfighter. He’s not happy they did but isn’t surprised “after what happened to Bingo.” Eric is quizzical. Uncle Frank says, “Bingo? Your platoon dog?” How Archie and Eric had to listen to Bingo howling and dying, etc. Except Eric reveals Bingo wasn’t a dog. He was a grunt like Eric.

Betty wants to question the trucker and hide the truck before handing him over to the FBI. She needs to know where Polly is first.

Uncle Frank confronts Archie about Bingo, telling him he can’t save anyone. Archie breaks down, saying he’s trying to save this down but keeps encountering new lowest of the lows there.

Cheryl, please look up the Riverdale High dress code

What the heck is Cheryl wearing to class? Doesn’t Riverdale High have a dress code? Kevin has been named teacher of the year. Kevin isn’t happy though. He says it’s a painful reminder of his failed theater life. Quarter-life crisis, thy name is Kevin Keller.

Uncle Frank hosts a Riverdale Pet Adoption event at the gym. It gives Archie a little bit of hope for Riverdale. Archie and Eric name Vegas II not Vegas II, but Bingo. Sorry, Vegas I.

Riverdale pet adoption event

Cheryl leads another mass, leading the group through Everything’s Alright from Jesus Christ Superstar with the church’s new artistic director, Kevin Keller. Another person who gave the church side eye now taking a high position in it.

Kevin Keller joins The First Church of Jason Blossom

Kevin and Fangs get drinks to discuss themselves. Fangs wants them to be friends and Kevin agrees. Veronica and Reggie land more clients. Everyone’s doing well, except Archie who flashes back to Bingo’s death. The phone wakes him from his PTSD. It’s the VA, who is for some reason calling in the middle of the night in regards to getting Eric help. Archie sees Bingo’s ghost across the room. Archie tells them he needs help too.