Now that that football season is over, quiz cup season has taken hold of Riverdale. Betty has formed the Justice League of high school quiz teams, recruiting Veronica, Cheryl and the rest of Riverdale’s brightest to take on Stonewall Prep. Smartly, and unsurprisingly, she left Archie off her team. But that’s okay! He’s got his new father figure, Uncle Frank, to take care of. Uncle Frank is about to start as the new foreman of Andrews Construction. Smart, hire the pill dealer as foreman to a construction site. What could go wrong there?
Betty and Jughead have some morning sex while Bret is off exercising. Jughead accidently lets it slip that he got accepted into Yale. Betty is more upset that he didn’t tell her than him getting in. To avoid an awkward conversation, Betty jumps back on Jughead for round 2. She encounters Bret on her way out later, who remarks, “Oh, you two are finally done. I thought I was going to be late to class.” Wait, this is a school day? Isn’t Stonewall an hour or so away from Riverdale? Betty, what period do you saunter into classes?
Bret tells Betty he got into Yale too. She’s less than happy about this news.
Veronica and Cheryl ask their chemistry teacher for some patent help. They want to make sure their new rum is different enough from Hiram’s. He hardly balks at two underage teenagers asking him to try their homebrew alcohol.
Jughead gets notes from Mr. Dupont regarding his Baxter Brothers draft. The Baxter Brothers board isn’t keen on the boy in the river story (aka Riverdale season 1) and want something darker. I immediately hope Jughead just pitches them Riverdale season 2. Then Dupont suggests serial killers being an idea to explore. Jughead goes to Charles for advice, who suggests going with Riverdale season 2, but Jughead wants something new, and doesn’t want to pitch the Black Hood as a story out of respect to Betty.
Mr. Keller was given no head’s up that he is being replaced as foreman by Uncle Frank. He’s not happy and thinks Archie is making a bad decision, knowing Frank’s history. He tells Archie as much. But Archie’s favorite cocktail is second chances mixed with bad decisions and here we are.
It’s Quiz Show time. There’s a whole TV set for this completion. Who watches this? Betty, Veronica, Cheryl and Toni beat whatever team they were playing. They’ll be competing against Stonewall Prep in the finals.
Betty recruits Charles to get some intel on Bret. Charles also has a friend who teaches at Yale. He offers to find out why she got rejected in spite of her strong resume that included a 4.1 GPA and running the school paper.
Jughead pitches his new Baxter Brothers idea to the board. His serial killer is the fishmonger, who guts his victims like fish. He’s quickly shot down. He then suggests a serial killer that stalks his prey on social media. That gets shot down too. I guess they’re not fans of You. Out of desperation, he pitches a Black Hood story, cleverly named The Brown Hood. They love it. Uh-oh, Jughead. You’re already on thin ice with Betty with your Yale news.
Archie stops in at Andrews Construction later that day to see only Tom Keller working. Uncle Frank gave the rest of the guys the day off and invited them all back to Archie’s house for beers. Stellar first day, Uncle Frank.
When Archie gets home that night, Uncle Frank is still holding court over beers with his workers in the living room. Archie is happy to hear stories about his dad, totally missing the mess Frank is starting.
Cheryl and Veronica present their new rum to Hiram. Since their rum is based on maple syrup and not molasses, it circumvents Hiram’s patent. Veronica is excited that their rum war is back on. Hiram kind of looks excited too. Hey, any time with your daughter is good time, right?
Charles digs up dirt on Bret, and Betty confronts Bret on it immediately, accusing him of having someone take the PSAT for him. Bret immediately sells out Jughead’s Brown Hood idea, throwing him under the bus to avoid Betty’s wrath. Bret’s not winning any friends, but it works and Betty storms out.
Veronica wants to rebrand La Bon Nui as a dance club. To get around losing her liquor licence, Veronica says she’ll hand out rum for free. I’m not sure if you can give away liquor for free while charging for mixers as a way to get around not having a liquor license.
Kevin and Fangs have an awkward moment at Pops, where Fangs is picking up burgers and Kevin in picking up a date. Fangs apologizes for ditching him in their cult days, hoping to reconcile. Kevin’s date arrives and tells him he has a hotel room, and Kevin can’t get out of that diner fast enough.
Betty is pissed at Jughead, who says he didn’t tell Betty about the Brown Hood because he wasn’t really planning on using that idea. I don’t know, Jughead. The Baxter Brothers board seemed really sold on it. In her anger, Betty lashes out, saying that Jughead only got into Yale because of his new, fancy school. Jughead doesn’t take that well and storms out.
Tom Keller is excited. He just made a deal for Andrews Construction to repair the drainage system in the prison. This is a big money job. Archie turns it down immediately, refusing to take Hiram’s blood money. When Tom tells him he can’t just do business with the people they like, Uncle Frank backs Archie. Uncle Frank and Archie are going to bankrupt the place.
Charles tells Betty that his contact at Yale told him they didn’t want to accept the daughter of The Black Hood. Quick show of hands, who else thinks Charles is making all of this up?
Betty visits her dad’s grave, sledgehammer in hand. Hal’s headstone bears the brunt of Betty’s recent frustrations.
Archie comes home once again to find Uncle Frank and the boys drinking and gabbing in the living room. Carlos, one of the workers, found out about Archie turning down the prison job, and lets him know that some of the guys are pissed about it. He wants Archie to spend more time at the site. Archie is a high school student, Carlos!
Kevin’s date is into tickling. Oh, he’s one of those guys into videotaping people getting tickled. He offers to pay Kevin $5,000 to make a tickling video. Kevin’s in. The tickle video guy has a friend waiting at the bar, ready to tickle Kevin on camera now. Kevin, get out of there!
Jughead comes home to Riverdale to apologize to Betty. They both apologize to each other. Jughead offers to help Betty win “the bigger game we’re playing.” What bigger game?
La Bon Nui has reopened at a full scale discoteque. Veronica and Cheryl command the floor. The sheriff’s department stages a raid. Hiram grabs the second sledgehammer of the episode and smashes all of Veronica and Cheryl’s rum bottles. Riverdale: now sponsored by Home Depot.
Kevin is rightfully freaked out about this tickling video, but his curiosity gets the better of him and he doesn’t leave. Oh, Kevin. First cults, now this?
Cheryl suggest moving the rum business to the site of her mother’s old brothel to evade Hiram. Veronica isn’t sure if that jibes well with their female empowerment startup. Veronica and Cheryl call all of Penelope’s old clients, explaining to them it’s now a liquor club, not a brothel. Veronica realizes that this is a bit much for two high school students to take on. Cheryl suggests hiring a full time manager. Who’s her top pick? None other than her own mother, Penelope Blossom! I’m sure this will end about as well as Archie hiring Uncle Frank.
Speaking of Uncle Frank, Tom Keller accuses him of stealing the missing $200 from petty cash. Frank cops to it immediately, saying he borrowed it against his salary. Keller calls him a thief again, and a piece of garbage, as he lays down an ultimatum. It’s Uncle Frank or him. Before Archie can answer, Uncle Frank decks Tom and a brawl breaks out between the two. It’s a pretty even fight, and Archie breaks it up. But Tom’s had enough. He quits, and offers anyone who wants to actually get paid on a job to come find him. You need to cut Uncle Frank loose, Red!
Why’d Frank take the money? Because he got a hot tip at the track. But it’s cool, he was trying to win all the guys their back-due Christmas bonuses. Somehow Archie’s the one left feeling bad at the end of this exchange.
It’s the Riverdale Quiz Show finals, what we’ve been building to all season! Just kidding, ethis didn’t exist before last week. Jughead brings his Yale recruiter to check out Betty. Ah, so this is what he was referring to as their bigger game, getting Betty into Yale.
Alice tells Betty she left her a present in the green room. Betty finds all the Quiz Show answer in there. Alice!
Betty dominates Quiz Show. Toni comments that it’s like she knows the answers before the questions are being asked. Ha, if only! Oh wait. Amazingly, the game heads into the final question at a 520 to 520 tie. Betty and Bret face off Family Feud style over the final question: “In a manual transmission vehicle, what mechanical device connects two or more rotating shafts?” Bret answers “Sparkplug.” Oooh, sorry Bret, wrong answer. Oh man, could Betty get a more gimme question? This would be like me going on Jeopardy! and Spider-Man being the Final Jeopardy category. Betty wins the game, answering “The clutch.” The Riverdale team is excited, none more so than Betty, who may have won herself a spot at Yale.
After they get home, Betty tells her mom that she didn’t use the answers Alice provided. She tore them up, wanting to beat Bret fair and square. Alice is happy with her daughter, though I wonder how happy we would be if Betty and the rest of Riverdale caught a L in that game.
Uncle Frank turned $200 into $10,000 at the track. He expects that to absolve him in Archie’s eyes, but it doesn’t. Archie doesn’t like that Frank took the money without asking. He still gives Frank another chance. Oh, Archie.
Everyone cheers Betty’s name in the halls of Riverdale. But at the end of that cheer tunnel, Mr. Honey confronts Betty in the hallway with the taped together Quiz Show answers in a sealed in a ziploc bag. Uh-oh. Instead of getting a spot at Yale, Betty gets suspended.
Kevin pitches the tickle videos to Fangs. Fangs is so desperate to hang out with Kevin that he’s willing to hear him out. Oh Fangs, do better.
Archie meets with Tom Keller at Pops to apologize, give him his bonus and offer him the foreman job back. Tom won’t take the job while Frank is on the payroll.
Veronica tends bar at the new bordello turned rum house. Hiram raids La Bon Nui again, only to find nothing. Cheryl makes Penelope wear a mask like Joker made his girlfriend wear in 1989’s Batman after he threw acid in her face. It’s so that Penelope can conceal her identity while working there. Yeah, who would think that lady who dresses like Penelope with Penelope’s hairstyle and hair color, and generally looks like Penelope and is Penelope’s height is Penelope if she’s wearing a mask? Foolproof plan!
Jughead confronts Bret. Jughead challenges Bret to a duel…to the death. Uhhh WTF..?!
Four weeks later, Betty is at Pops. Archie rushes in. Betty cries that Jughead won’t ever come back and she’s not sure how she can keep going. They hold hands, a little too tenderly.