5Cruz Hayek Friends
Are Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz just friends?. We have no idea, but it would be cool if they BOTH starred in the movie version of LUBA wouldn’t it? Salma would be Luba and Penelope could be…Pipo!

Don’t worry, we’re going to keep this running gag up for quite a while. We know all our straight male readers have had to suffer through the Clive program and the DDGB program, not to mention a new upcoming program starring a newish drool-worthy star just for 2007! So in the meantime, let’s just keep casting that dream Luba movie.

We are way behind on everything here at Stately Beat Manor. We mean…everything. Like, we were wondering what to buy for the houseboy to use to clean the floors. Well, maybe a Swiffer Wet-Jet was the answer. But wait. What about the Clorox Ready-Mop? Is that better? We only have ONE CHANCE to get this right. Oh man, which to pick.

This is why we love the Internets! It didn’t take more than 30 seconds of googling to find this articleWhich mop is best? at SLATE no less! This woman drops kitty litter and orange juice on the floor and tests SEVEN different mops! WOW. This is like a FANTASY. It turns out the Swiffer does the best of the models we’d consider, but — and here is where it gets really freaky — it turns out the best mop of all is the old Medusa-head, friend of lonely sailors, Gene-Kelly-danced-with-one model!
200701250215Now this kind of makes sense, because many times we’ve been in a hospital, or detention, or a warehouse or whatever, and we’ll see some crazy old janitor dude cleaning up, and he is ALWAYS pushing around a Medusa-head mop! Always. And every time we see that, we think… “Man that mop head is FILTHY, isn’t it just pushing the dirt around???” but then we look at the floor, and we’re not saying we would eat off it but, it doesn’t look that bad.

It turns out the crazy old janitor dudes know best. But the medusa-head is too hard to wring out. So for SBM? Nothing but Swiffer will do!

“The Beat is blogging about mops!” you complain. “Has the Beat gone insane?”


Maybe a little.

[PS: yes yes, we know Mickey Mouse was menaced by a broom.]


  1. How funny you post about mop performance the morning my vacuum cleaner dies. Must be something in the air…

    As long as we’re fantasy casting for Palomar: The Movie, how about Miss ‘Ugly Betty’ for Diana? Who would play Tonantzin?

  2. Thanks for the equal time, Heidi. You have heard about BANDIDAS, right? I haven’t seen it, but from the premise alone – Salma and Penelope as Wild West desperadoes – it is surely The Greatest Movie Of All Time.

  3. I think Hayek and Cruz are playing to the tabloids to keep their names in the press until their next project comes along.

    I’d love to see LUBA as an HBO series. For a movie, I’d like to see a “B.E.M.” or “Lost Women” adaptation since they’re pretty self-contained.

    You know, when Mickey goes public domain, expect to see him dancing with a Swiffer!

  4. as your Mom who recently threw away several rotten mops – flinging them into the metals pile at the Nobleboro Transfer Station was one on the 2006 positive highlights – boy, did those mops fly, turning slowly over and over –
    (throwing our ten years’ accumulation of mismatched sox was the other)

    I recommend the Swifter Wet Jet with the battery powered squirter – (you can attach old washcloths when the expensive pads run out) – you will not regret your decision