This Vanity Fair interview with Stan Lee is FULL of awesomeness, and shows that Lee can still turn a quip like a young man of 70. But the bit that is getting the most excitement this day is the part where Stan answers the question he dodged in MALLRATS all those years ago — the one about whether the Thing’s junk was made of orange rock. Only they didn’t call it junk back then –they called it a dork!
In the Kevin Smith movie Mallrats, Jason Lee asked you a question that has crossed every serious comic fan’s mind at least once in his life. You dismissed it at the time, calling it a “superhero secret.” Are you finally ready to answer Lee’s question?
“Is the Thing’s dork made out of orange rock like the rest of his body?”
I never gave it a thought. I guess common sense would say it was made of orange rock too, but I always thought it was more interesting to think about Reed Richards. As you know, he had the ability to stretch, and sexually, that would seem to be a great asset in many areas.
“In many areas” — Stan, you salty old dog!
Even a moment’s common sense would reveal that the only answer to this question is that of course the Thing’s thing is made from lumps of orange rock — cosmic rays aren’t like neurofibromatosis, which left the real life Elephant Man’s privates agonizingly normal. Obviously, the Hildebrandt Brothers knew this when they painted the above Marvel Masterworks card in the ’90s. It’s pretty obvious what kind of junk The Thing has got loaded in his trunks.
So obvious that when we were googling for this image, we actually found CROPPED versions of it.
Anyhoo, the rock wang question is not the only one answered in this interview:
Are you quoting your own superhero catchphrases all the time? In a private, intimate moment with your wife, do you ever shout out, “By the hoary hosts of Hoggoth?!”
Oh absolutely. I say that all the time. When I want my wife to make me a sandwich, I’ll say, “By the shades of the shadowy Serapeum, will you please make me a sandwich?!” Doesn’t everybody?
Ladies and gentleman, Stan Lee.
Heidi MacDonald is the founder and editor in chief of The Beat. In the past, she worked for Disney, DC Comics, Fox and Publishers Weekly. She can be heard regularly on the More To Come Podcast. She likes coffee, cats and noble struggle.