Oh yeah, baby it’s on! Angered after being left out of the WATCHMEN Director’s Cut, jumbo squid are swarming the oceans near San Diego because it’s PAYBACK TIME.
The beaked Humboldt squid, which grow up to 5ft (1.5 metres) long, arrived off the city’s shores last week. Divers have reported unnerving encounters with the creatures, which are carnivorous and can be aggressive. One diver described how one of the rust-coloured creatures ripped the buoyancy aid and light from her chest, and grabbed her with its tentacles.
Wow, it’s not only a jumbo squid attack, it’s a HENTAI jumbo squid attack!
Known as giant flying squid, the beasts do not actually fly — but they do possess parrot-like beaks that could easily rip out a chunk of flesh, experts say.
Scientists also claim that the squid are only found in deep waters and so pose no threat to regular swimmers, but we pooh pooh these naysayers and predict that the seemingly placid waters of San Diego Bay are about to become the scene of a savage battle between humans and beasts. Humans — who normally subdue squid using a light, seasoned breading and a few slices of lemon — will this time need squads of Elite Security personnel, armed with harpoon guns.
The attacks are also reminiscent of a 2002 assault, when hundreds of dead squid washed up on San Diego beaches just before con, leading to what was described by many as “a bad smell.”
They’ll keep fighting…and they’ll win!
UPDATED to include tasty Kaluta squid art. More here.