As you may have heard, a terrifying mystery beast was recently found slain in a deserted copse off a lonely road up in rustic Maine. Not far from Stephen King’s house in fact! We like the way practical Mainers handle finding a terrifying mystery beast: they were smart enough to take pictures of the body while it was still relatively intact, but perhaps intimidated by the powerful stench of evil and danger surrounding its corpse, they left it where it lay after having bit hit by a car, so by the time authorities found the body it had been PICKED CLEAN — by VULTURES! Sweet!

Famed Cryptozoologist Loren Coleman paid a visit to the remains of the corpse and recounts how locals had differing theories over where the hellspawn had come from:

One person offered that the animal may have mutated after roaming near a toxic waste dump. At least one person suggested the creature may be extraterrestrial in origin. Others insist that there is an unknown breed of animal roaming the Maine woods from the southern part of the state to the northern woods.

Coleman’s analysis was that despite some anomalies it was probably a Chow or Akita gone wild, a mundane explanation that much of the world is now accepting.

But not all of them. The mystery beast is likely to live on in the imagination experts say:

“Having scientific evidence is not going to kill this story. It’s like an unslayable monster that will keep coming back,” said Elizabeth Eames, chair of the anthropology department at Bates College in Lewiston. “Humans like to categorize things. They like to fit them into neat, little boxes. Those things that don’t fit become sacred. They become sacred and profane.”

Sacred and profane. Despite the probable terrestrial origins of the beast — as one of our pals put it “It was probably named Toby.” — we prefer to believe that not everything can be known. And having lived in the Maine woods for a while ourselves, we know there are lots of things out there that remain wild and mysterious down by that old deserted graveyard.


  1. That first story you link to says DNA analysis revealed it to be a wolf-dog hybrid. So which is it, wild Chow or hybrid?

    Me, I say it does look a helluva lot like Hank McCoy.

  2. If this was truely a mystery and such a big event, then why would they leave it out where it would be eaten by other animals? Some yahoo probably stole it’s skull and will now sell it on e-bay! If the locals of this area are afraid of a dog, then that’s pretty pathetic.
    Heck, I’m gonna shave my cat and throw her in the woods just so I can scream that, “there’s a monster in them there woods”! (ok, maybe wrong accent – but awwww chucks, can’t get everything right)

  3. what if this beast really is something no one knows of because it really is a new species. what if it was a mutated creature which was an experiment by the government and the remains were switched with a dead carcus of something similar so that when wildlife officials finally turned up, they could not identify it..just as a thought..

  4. just found this quote on another site aswel “Wildlife officials, for whatever reason, didn’t examine the beast’s corpse”

    who knows, with all the government cover-ups and conspiracies, this could be one of them. why else would wildlife officials not examine an unknown creature which everyones talking about??

  5. typical ignoramous white-trash reaction … pull your head out of your asses and look at the obvious – an overly inbred, stunted feral mongrel living on pet cats because it’s physically incapable of bringing down anything else. something else that’s obvious – this and your other more frightening imaginary creatures aren’t lurking in maine but in the wilds of your mentally bankrupt, chicken-shit psyches … with a population as dumb as this its no wonder pigmys like George Bush get elected.