Getaway special: The day Spider-Man taught the Beyonder how to use the bathroom

secret pooping wars
Great moments in comics history, via Jim Shooter, Al Milgrom, Steve Leialoha and Christie Scheele from Secret Wars II issue #2. As referenced on Twitter by Brian Reed and shamelessly ganked by us.

Surprising that Peter Parker did not supply the Beyonder with a magazine to occupy his thoughts.

Yet another reason why SECRET WARS were the best wars. Secret POOPIN’ Wars!


  1. Adam says

    My 12yo son recently read the Secret Wars II omnibus, and this was one of the highlights.

  2. Andrew Farago says

    And you know where Spidey got all of his home furnishings? Bed, Bath and Beyonder.

  3. says

    SECRET WARS were the best wars! I wonder if the heroes ever stop and think, whenever they start beating on poor old Hulk, that he saved all of them that time they got a whole mountain dropped on their heads. That was pretty awesome.

  4. Trev says

    This is one of my favorite comics memories of the 80’s. Teaching the Beyonder about human waste.

  5. says

    Am I the only one who though “uh-oh” when they got to the word “jerk” in the sentence “the Beyonder is in my bathroom, jerk” and then drawing a sigh of relief when “jerk” was the last word? I was? OK, nevermind.

  6. Synsidar says

    SECRET WARS II wasn’t as bad as the joke suggests it was. One of Shooter’s defining traits as a writer was that he wrote stories that could be understood by kids as well as adults. His interpretation of the Beyonder appeared to be written for kids as much as it was for adults. The storyline might have been clunky, but it worked. A more metaphysical, more “mature” story would have been much harder to do in comics form.


  7. Ian Boothby says

    I remember Mephisto asking the Beyonder if he’d like some maggots vomited on his face in one of the later issues. Weird series.

  8. Synsidar says

    Perhaps the weirdest dialogue of the year, or century, appears in FEAR ITSELF #5. After the Serpent breaks Cap’s shield, he declares to the world, “I can do anything I want. Anything. I am God.” Fraction is having an Asgardian fear god compare himself to the Judeo-Christian Yahweh, because he was able to break Cap’s shield?!

    That was the low point of a bizarre collection of errors in the issue.


  9. Torsten Adair says

    …And at the end [SPOILER], the Beyonder decides on the Jesus Christ solution, but the Molecule Man terminates the gestation before the Baby Beyonder can send them all to the cornfield.

  10. Snikt Snakt says

    I remember as kid when this issue came out and all my friends and I cracking up at this scene. The mini only good worst from there.

    To this day we consider SWII *the* worst mini-series ever created!!! Some have come close, but none have ever beaten it…

  11. Synsidar says

    Some have come close, but none have ever beaten it…

    You consider SECRET WARS II worse than, say, SIEGE? For something to be truly terrible, the idea has to be as bad as the execution. The underlying idea for SW II wasn’t that bad.


  12. Snikt Snakt says

    Synsidar if you consider SWII a good mini-series, then there’s nothing else for me to say. You’re too far gone… :-P

  13. Synsidar says

    Synsidar if you consider SWII a good mini-series, then there’s nothing else for me to say.

    Where did I say that I thought SW II was good? I wouldn’t go that far, but the underlying idea is better than the ideas for SIEGE, FEAR ITSELF, SECRET INVASION, the Illuminati, and “Avengers Disassembled,” at the very least. Shooter’s kid-friendly interpretation of the Beyonder has biased opinions of the miniseries over the years.


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