Oni Press and Matt Kindt’s Flux House are seemingly recruiting for Mind MGMT.
A flyer released Thursday reads, “Feeling paranoid? Can you sense events before they happen? Do strange things happen around you? You’re not alone.” It then lists a phone number with instructions to “Call for help.” Small text at the bottom of the flyer says, “Our trained agents are waiting around the clock.”
Calling the phone number from the flyer (912-MIND-MGMT, or 912-646-3646) prompts a pre-recorded message with some distortion. A deep voice greets the caller and says, “Welcome to the Mind MGMT Integration Aptitude Test.”
The voice goes on to repeat the text from the flyer. Then it says, “You are invited to participate in the following auditory recruitment exam. This is Step 1 on your path to entertainment, enlightenment, and weaponized empathy.” The voice instructs you to listen to three recordings, then indicate your “anxiety, agitation, or uncontrollable distress” on a scale of 1-9 using your keypad, with 1 being the lowest and 9 being the highest.
After rating each sound, “Our trained team of agents will then analyze your results and let you know if you qualify to proceed to the next stage of our recruitment protocol.” At the end of the test, the voice says, “Stay calm and we will contact you directly.”
The immersion then breaks as a higher-pitched voice explains that by calling the number and taking the “test,” you’ve agreed to receive SMS marketing communications from Oni Press.
Seconds after hanging up, I received a text message declaring, “Congratulations! You have been selected to proceed to the next phase of the Mind MGMT training protocol. Join us to find the training center nearest you.” The message links to www.mind-mgmt.com, provides a password to get in, and reminds you that you can reply STOP to opt out.
Mind MGMT: New & Improved
After entering the provided password for the website, you’ll be taken to an intro page with the title “Mind MGMT: New & Improved.” It declares, “Mind Management is a sprawling organization with agents everywhere, specializing in incendiary media, provocative pacification, un-information, and many more arcane, yet impactful means of subtly influenced global affairs at macro and micro-scales.”
Mind MGMT claims to have “hundreds of active and retired agents around the world. In every country. At every level of society.” Following you, the reader’s, successful “auditory test,” you can become an agent as well.
The next step, per the website, is to “read your introductory materials”—aka Mind MGMT: New & Improved, a brand new series by Kindt. The website says to visit a “Mind MGMT-operated safehouse” AKA your local comic book shop, and pre-order the first issue by FOC on April 1 to guarantee a copy when the series debuts in June.
This is a developing story (of sorts). Stay tuned for more details.
