Pirates Carab
The Beat‘s real life loved ones are under strict instructions should the Beat expire untimely: a portion of our ashes are to be clandestinely scattered at the Disneyland version of Pirates of the Caribbean. To be honest, we thought we were way daring and iconoclastic when we thought this up, but turns out we were just part of a soggy club:

While the rate of “HEPA Cleanups” has been increasing lately at the Haunted Mansion, the recent Pirates of the Caribbean movie craze (with its supernatural plot themes) means that ride isn’t immune either. Just this past Friday a Cast Member watching the security cameras noticed a woman in the back of a boat throwing a powdery substance into the lavishly decorated sets in the cavern scenes near the beginning of the ride. Even though Pirates is a 15 minute long ride, by the time the lady spreading the substance returned to the loading area Security had yet to arrive.

The college age Cast Members operating the attraction knew that legally they were not supposed to detain anyone, and when they confronted her about what she was doing in the cameras she told them she was only throwing baby powder around. The woman quickly disappeared out the exit, never to be seen again, but she’d actually left more than baby powder all over the Pirates of the Caribbean.

Security and the police finally arrived, and the ride was shut down on a busy afternoon of a holiday weekend. The ash was identified by the Anaheim Police as cremated remains, and the custodial department found most of it all over the “Captain’s Quarters” scene in the caverns. The woman had done a very thorough job of spreading the ash everywhere though, and after an hour of cleaning with the HEPA vacuums there was still work to be done.

Note to The Beat‘s loved ones: that’s kind of gross to be honest. Just a LITTLE WEE BIT of our ashes. A WEE BIT. We don’t want to create a biohazard or anything. The rest can be spread you-know-where.

[Link via Boing Boing — thanks to those who sent it in.]


  1. It’s probably worth pointing out that I learned (thanks to Modern Marvels) that it’s not actually ash at all that you receive after cremation. It’s extremely small bone fragments. And also, there’s absolutely no health hazard whatsoever posed by these “ashes.” Corpses are cooked at such high temperatures that there’s no chance that there’s a biologic hazard remaining.

  2. Hmmm. I own a first printing of Squadron Supreme. And I don’t consider that yucky. KISS blood, yeah, that’s gross.
    I want to be encased in concrete, with a radioactive cesium marker, and buried in a sanitary landfill. On the block will be an iconic map marking other sanitary landfills across North America. Sort of like the Motel Of The Mysteries…