The Great Oscar 2013 Mystery: Renee Zellweger

Oh yeah, speaking of the Oscars, Renee Zellweger —WTF. While the actress often looks like she just chomped into a handful of Sour Skittles, last night her eyes seemed to have collapsed into tiny black holes orbiting Alpha Centauri. And what was with mean Richard Gere trying to get her to read on stage? It was obvious girlfriend did not want to wear reading glasses, and was too shy to say anything about it. Either that or she had found the stash James Franco had hidden at the Dolby Theater a couple of years back.

Her dress looked great from the clavicles down, though.

Otherwise, Seth MacFarlane…yeah, whatevs. I don’t like his mean-spirited, not-an-act bigotry on Family Guy, and I didn’t like it here, but he plowed on like an old pro. As I wrote a few years ago, few things are as momentarily thrilling and ultimately pointless as complaining about Oscar hosts. I don’t think MacFarlane made too many pals in Hollywood with his barbed (and yet safe) banter, but he’s laughing all the way to the bank. He needs to do his Broadway show and get it out of his system.

What else…it was nice to see Brenda Chapman on stage to get an Oscar for BRAVE. She was removed from directing the picture halfway through due to “creative differences” but the idea was based on her daughter, and she developed the story for years. I like singing and dancing so turning the Oscars into the Tonys didn’t bother me a bit. Hal Needham getting a Governor’s Award for making SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT made me think that 30 years from now there will be an Oscar tribute to “Marvel Movies” and Stan Lee will probably still be around to pick it up.