By Steve Morris
Fans have been crying out for this for too long, so it’s a relief to find that Marvel have finally come up with a way for people to smell just like Tony Stark, all dripping with sweat inside a tight metal suit all day, coated in oil and rust and leftover martini. But not just Stark! No, Marvel have decided to offer fans the chance to smell like any one of the Avengers (wait – nobody cares about Hawkeye, right?).
That’s right: Official Marvel fragrances are now available for you to buy, created by Jads International. Fans can pick up officially-licensed Hulk “Smash”, Loki “Mischief”, “Patriot Cologne”, Iron Man “Mark VII”, Thor “Worthy” and, uh, “Black Widow Perfume”. I guess they decided against calling it “Red Ledger Perfume”, in the end. Most excitingly of all, however, is the chance for us to finally experience the age-reducing joy of Nick Fury’s “Infinity Formula”.
If there’s one thing viewers took away from the Avengers film, it’s that they want to smell like Hulk and Thor. Can you even begin to imagine opening up a bottle of Captain America’s “Patriot” and whiffing in the scent of freedom, democracy, and AMERICA? I bet it’s got some good ol’ Apple Pie in it.
The only downside of this news is that there is still no way for fans to smell like Agent Phil Coulson, other than to rub themselves against Clark Gregg repeatedly. Well, if one must…