By Steve Morris
Fans have been crying out for this for too long, so it’s a relief to find that Marvel have finally come up with a way for people to smell just like Tony Stark, all dripping with sweat inside a tight metal suit all day, coated in oil and rust and leftover martini. But not just Stark! No, Marvel have decided to offer fans the chance to smell like any one of the Avengers (wait – nobody cares about Hawkeye, right?).
That’s right: Official Marvel fragrances are now available for you to buy, created by Jads International. Fans can pick up officially-licensed Hulk “Smash”, Loki “Mischief”, “Patriot Cologne”, Iron Man “Mark VII”, Thor “Worthy” and, uh, “Black Widow Perfume”. I guess they decided against calling it “Red Ledger Perfume”, in the end. Most excitingly of all, however, is the chance for us to finally experience the age-reducing joy of Nick Fury’s “Infinity Formula”.
If there’s one thing viewers took away from the Avengers film, it’s that they want to smell like Hulk and Thor. Can you even begin to imagine opening up a bottle of Captain America’s “Patriot” and whiffing in the scent of freedom, democracy, and AMERICA? I bet it’s got some good ol’ Apple Pie in it.
The only downside of this news is that there is still no way for fans to smell like Agent Phil Coulson, other than to rub themselves against Clark Gregg repeatedly. Well, if one must…
This must be for those of you who don’t already smell like Hulk already.
Marvel continues to reek in the profits.
Oh, you should have pulled some quotes from the site!
“The Black Widow’s bite – shot of citrus and fresh berries, giving way to sensual caramel and honey notes paired with dry sandalwood then drying down to bitter chocolate, clear patchouli, and praline”
Yup… with flavors like that, “bite” is correct!
“The Patriot scent – start with fresh notes of green lime and white pepper, finishing with dry oak wood, sandalwood, and tequila”
Do you spray it on, or garnish it with lemon and salt?
“The Mark VII Scent – a contemporary expression of mandarin, neroli, nasturtium, and jasmine layered with light patchouli”
Makes the perfect condiment for shawarma!
“The SMASH! scent – woody and aquatic with yuzu, bergamot and tarragon, with unexpected top notes of water lily and nutmeg finishing with enriched Indian sandalwood, vetiver, musk, and sharp cedar”
Sounds more like Wolverine…
“The Worthy scent – woody citrus with bergamot, frozen ginger, wheatgrass blended with a hint of grapefruit and layered deeply with aromatic cypress, plus basenotes of dark amber and cedarwood enhancing a deep musk ”
Sounds like a health spa smoothie…
Oh, I should have known… Jads also does the Star Trek cologne, as well as Star Wars!
“Slave Leia Perfume
More powerful than a thermal detonator yet more comfortable than a metal bikini!
Chains cannot restrain your smoldering sensuality even when the most despicable scum in the galaxy surround you. Whether you’re on a daring rescue mission or are being held captive by a nefarious slug/gangster, your regal bearing lets the world know that despite appearances, you’re no one’s servant. Fearless and inventive, Slave Leia Perfume includes floral top notes of white peach, lily, bergamot, heliotrope and raspberry that dry down to a warm sultry mix of cashmere woods, musk and night-blooming jasmine.”
Darn… limited edition for Celebration V.
And then there were the aromas Neil Gaiman licensed…
Perfect for Father’s day.
So when are these products available? Is this an announcement or actual merchandise on the shelves at… at… hmm… where does one purchase this? A Disney store? Online? A comic retailer?
Ah… never mind. I followed the link and I see it’s offered Online from Marvel’s site. Too bad. I’m sure retailers would like to sell this in their stores, too.