Which superhero has the best grooming habits?
You may never have considered this, but a couple of ad agencies for skincare have recently teamed up with superheroes to present the idea of male grooming as a manly, bench-pressing activity. And who’s to say it isn’t practical? After a long day in exercising in anything from a leotard to a complete exo-skeleton, even the doughtiest hero will need to cleanse and exfoliate.Take Captain America, for instance. He’s been hired byskin care experts Kiehls to hawk their Advanced Anti-Aging Skin Care For Men For Firming, Lifting, And Anti-Wrinkle with Facial Fuel Heavy Lifting Anti-Aging Moisturizer. Tip #1: One of the keys to skin care is just memorizing the name of the product.
Cap appears in several Kiehls ad and a complete comic, which is available on the website. Tragically, after enduring 14 pages of rather jarring “pan and scan” digital comics, I did not get to see Cap use the moisturizer and discuss its effects. Has he never heard of Makeup Alley? For a woman, no beauty regime is complete without discussing the product’s texture, whether it caused breakouts and if it could possibly be drying.
According to claims on Kiehl’s website, the product improves skin density and fights Sagging—is Sagging one of the new DC villains we haven’t heard about? Skin density would surely help with invulnerability, so this product will probably find a place in the daily skin care regimes of many a superhero.
Skin density will also comes in handy for the next superhero grooming task.
If you’ve been following along with us on the making of Man of Steel you’ve surely seen pictures of Henry Cavill as Shirtless Hobo Tramp Steamer Superman and if you are like The Beat, your first thought upon seeing these pictures is “How does he shave?” The second is “When did Kryptonians get chest hair and how do they shave it off?”
Well, razor blade company Gillette has had the same question. And many answers.
They’ve launched a whole “How Does He Shave?” ad campaign with scientists Mayim Bialek and Bill Nye, Mythbusters Jamie and Adam, and weed philosopher Kevin Smith all weighing in with theories and postulates.
A lot of effort expended, but for naught—you see, the “laser vision/mirror” theory has been fairly well established in the Superman canon:
If there is an issue with superheroes and shaving, surely John Byrne has already thought of it*, and in the comic book Man of Steel, he established this whole mirror heat vision method: Superman holds up a mirror and uses his heat vision to carefully burn the hair right off his face.
Superman being super and all, how his bodily functions function has long been a topic of some fascination, with shaving and how he manages to engage in sexual congress with frail human women perhaps the most popular. If there has been a discussion of Super-poop, we haven’t seen it and so much the better.
While Cap and Supes are all about the grooming, what about the most metrosexual of superheroes, Iron Man? We couldn’t find Tony Stark selling any grooming products, but he does have his own fruit snack: Funky Monkey Invincible Strawberry Bananas, a chewable nutritious treat which includes five servings of fruit in each resealable bag.
* Byrne famously walked off She Hulk when another writer had a scene where she shaves her legs.
Heidi MacDonald is the founder and editor in chief of The Beat. In the past, she worked for Disney, DC Comics, Fox and Publishers Weekly. She can be heard regularly on the More To Come Podcast. She likes coffee, cats and noble struggle.