Monday, Monday

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“And…here our troubles began…”

Photo by Brian Heater. Soon after this photo was taken, one man involved was battling explosive diarrhea, another was nauseous, and yet a third had a Cúchulainn-like gout of blood spurting from his nose. We have to give a call-out to Jah Furry’s cat-like survival instincts: after a bite or two of a biscuit, the techniques taught him by an ancient Navajo shaman kicked in, warning him that to finish it would mean total incapacitation for at least 18 hours, as well as chronic dropsy for the rest of his natural life. The Beat? The Beat is okay because we had stuck with an actual Waffle, which had a seemingly lower lard content than anything else on the menu. We don’t know how you people live, we really don’t.

Anyway, aside from the Waffle House disaster, our trip to SPX was fine and dandy. Many comics purchased, many old friends seen, much news exchanged, many songs sung. More in the next post!

But before we do, welcome aboard to the new Beat Intern, Aaron Humphrey, who lives on the other side of the world in Australia, but is doing our events calendar to get warmed up before he does great things for the world.

Comments

  1. says

    “We don’t know how you people live, we really don’t.”

    We work up gradual immunity over many years, à la the Dread Pirate Roberts and iocane powder. The flip side, of course, is that when you move to (entirely theoretically, of course) the pacific northwest, you immediately go into withdrawal from lack of large-haired waitresses who call you “honey.”

    True story: Back in Asheville, a friend of mine wrote her entire undergraduate lit thesis at a Waffle House. By the end, the waitresses were asking after Dorothy Allison. Poverty, free refills, and desperation will go a long way.

  2. Mark Coale says

    When we ate at a Waffle House last year after a wrestling show in PA, we had maybe the sassiest 14-year old as a server.

  3. says

    The Beat as okay because we had stuck with an actual Waffle,…

    What??? No one eats waffles at Waffle House! You’re supposed to get the Triple Hash Browns!

  4. says

    In Omaha, there was a Perkins about four blocks from campus. Big tables, open 24 hours, bottomless cups of coffee, fried food, and frequented by Omaha’s Finest, as it was located in the middle of town on the main drag. Prefer it to Denny’s. Somewhat classier.

  5. Ben McCool says

    Uh-oh — it looks like Jah Furry’s giving me a HANDJOB here! Taking Captain Pickard to warp speed, no less!

    And Heidi looks way, way too happy about it…

    PS: I was the one with the nosebleed. I mean, c’mon — how the hell does a SANDWICH induce a nosebleed…?

  6. Al says

    ha ha, funny! And fun to read. About road trips. And road food.
    I don’t know how YOU guys do it, travelling around the US all the time,
    and eating in national chains to survive.

  7. says

    When we vacationed in NC last year, we ate at a Waffle House or WH knockoff every single day. At one of them, our waitress was actually no lie both a) toothless, and b) smoking a cigarette as she served. I kept looking for the cameras from the Punk the Northerners show.

  8. says

    @Jason-

    Waffle Houses are there for meeting up with your friends after shows at three in the morning, when you’re too broke even for Denny’s.

    And the pie’s usually pretty safe, as are hash browns if you keep them relatively simple and avoid meat.

  9. Van Jensen says

    Actual quote from Heidi on Sunday: “So, what’s the deal with Waffle House?”

    How can I begin to answer that? All I can say is that the last time I ate at one (on Thanksgiving no less), my car was broken into. Never again.

  10. Patrick Dean says

    Ah, I ate at Waffle House twice last week and my tummy’s still in one piece and my car is fine. Plus, my waitress was a cute middle-aged woman with a bowl cut and kept my coffee cup refilled. Waffle House is like IHOP, except tastier and cheaper… and their waffles DO taste delicious. Wonderful Eggs over easy and the bacon… perfect!

    Really, give WH one more try if you’re ever on the road.

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