Beware: the cost of seeing Cyclops in a Thong is the possibility of reading spoilers for the most recent issue of Avengers Vs X-Men.
But! Before we head into the hedonistic and vibrant world of Cyclops in a Thong, let us first have a look at this Sara Pichelli variant cover for issue #11:
The variant covers for this penultimate issue have all been showcasing the fact that Emma Frost and Cyclops are going to embark on what appears to be a battle to the death. Notice the small bead of blood dripping down Emma Frost’s breasts. Then shudder and thrust your head into a bowl of cold ice.
So anyway, what you came here was the chance to see Cyclops – leader of the X-Men, dignified diplomat and chosen representative for Marvel’s Merry Mutants – wearing a thong. The man who is tactically without parallel, and protects and serves hundreds of lost and suffering metaphors for minority rights. In a thong. Oh, and an unwashed Nightwing T-Shirt he stole back in the 90s when DC and Marvel did those crossovers. Well, because you demanded it:
This comes as the latest revelation in Marvel’s new event storyline Avengers Vs X-Men, and is the result of the Phoenix Force bonding with the A-List X-Men Cyclops, Emma Frost, Colossus, Namor and also Magik managed to sneak in there too. The most powerful force in the Galaxy – Squirrel Girl and Pixie aside – has designed the five characters to reflect their new status, meaning Colossus has regrown his hair, Magik gets a new set of armour, Emma wears a penis on her stomach and Cyclops is wearing a thong.
Interestingly, the Phoenix Force is able to regrow Colossus’ hair, recognise that the vast majority of the demographic want Namor to remain shirtless, and bring back the dead/destroy whole planets… but still struggles to fix Cyclops’ astigmatism. Some things are just meant to be, I guess.
This is just like the whole “if Luke Cage has unbreakable skin, how come he grows a goatee thing” all over again, eh? But listen, you guys. I know you’re staring at these images of Cyclops in a Thong and wondering: why? Because that’s what we’re all wondering right now. What is the Phoenix Force thinking here?
Doesn’t it know that Cyclops prefers underpants?
The Adventures of Cyclops in a Thong continue in this week’s issue of X-Men Legacy, in which he uses the thong to disarm an entire genocidal country! Just like he’s already used it to disarm the wallets of comic-loving bears across America.