There was little surprise that Will Smith’s I AM LEGEND was the #1 movie at the box office this weekend — apparently the sight of the world’s most popular movie star and his lovable Alsatian wandering through a destroyed New York City is just what the public wants, to the tune of a record smashing $76.5 million.
However, what audiences WEREN’T expecting was the shock twist behind the destruction of the human race as shown in the film: the box office success of the CGI ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS, which brought in a stunning $45 millions, shattering all expectations and setting the human race on a collision course with doom. :
“Alvin,” based on another property dating back to the 1950s, also made box office history and could easily be spawned into a new Fox film franchise. Pic is a Fox 2000/New Regency co-production.
Showing strength across all age groups, “Alvin” enjoyed the second-highest December opening ever for a film rated G or PG after Disney’s “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,” which opened to $65.5 million in 2005. “Alvin” is the eighth highest-grossing December film ever, and places in the top 20 of all-time best openings for family friendly films.
“Alvin and the Chipmunks” were created by Ross Bagdasarian as a novelty musical recording group before being adapted into a TV toon. Feature film adaptation cost less than $60 million to produce.
Scientists and pundits alike were gloomy with the prognosis for humanity after ALVIN’s triumph.
“It is a dark day for humanity,” warned Dr. Otto von Rocketship of the Cornell University Astrophysics lab. “Will future generations look back and say that we did nothing to stop ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS? Or will there even be future generations? We may have reached the tipping point.”
“Despite all the overwhelming evidence of the danger, we have unleashed ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS,” agreed Dr. Linus Itoldyouso, a professor of Symbology at MIT. “Humanity’s been on a slow rise for centuries, but this has dealt a tremendous setbeck from which we may never recover.”
Von Rocketship believes the success of ALVIN will not be an isolated incident. “This has tentpole franchise written all over it,” he predicted. “The studio is already planning sequels out the kazoo which will take a slight concept which might have been funny for about five minutes and drain it of all life and charm for movie after movie. As I AM LEGEND’s doomsday scenario showed, mankind has basically sealed its fate, and dumb CGI movies about cute little farting animals who talk with speeded up voices will rule the earth for the next five hundred years.”