We’re pretty exhausted here at SBM. Not only are we putting the finishing touches on THE NIGHTMARE FACTORY graphic novel we’ve been editing in our space time, but this whole man vs. woman thing is surprisingly EXHAUSTING! Jeez louise, once you mention “boobs” you unleash a raging flood of bottled up angst and anxiety! We have one more essay planned, on female creators and a few other loose ends, but we’re going to rest up today and tend to other matters.
To relax, we did a little Google for DDGB and we’re terribly afraid that the 300 worldwide icon yadda yadda deal may have gone to his head. Not only has he gone from below-the-radar acting guy to tabloid hanging-out-with-porn–stars (Stormy Daniels? What kind of name is that???), banging-Naomi-Campbell guy, but he’s signing up for a kiddie movie produced by Walden Media called NIM’S ISLAND where he gets to play Abigail (Little Miss Sunshine) Breslin’s dad.
Based on the Wendy Orr children’s book of the same name, Nim’s Island concerns the resourceful daughter (Breslin) of a scientist (Butler) on a remote tropical island. When her father is lost at sea, she begins communicating through e-mail with the authoress of one of her favorite books (Jodie Foster) and, with distant coaching, begins to handle her difficulties on the island. It’s hard to think of two bigger recent breakout Hollywood stars than Butler and Breslin, so the idea of them battling together onscreen against greedy tour companies is rather intriguing.
Gerry, we know you are firmly committed to getting old and fat now, but missing dad? Seriously, with Oscar®-nominee Abigail on screen, no one is even going to LOOK at you! Ask Mel Gibson. And now you are not even going to be in WATCHMEN, so you can star in a Brian de Palma sequel. And whatever you do, don’t play He-Man!
And you need a STYLIST, fast, Tubby! Look at the way you showed up at Cannes…and that get-up on the right is what you wore to accept a LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD for looking like a piece of steel! We know you don’t drink any more, so you don’t even have the Paula Abdul excuse!
Oh and don’t bother going up on a rooftop and smoking a cigarette and looking all hot…you didn’t dress yourself! Gimme a break.
You used to be so COOL when you were OUR Gerry…now you are just…oh, never mind.