Warner Bros dumped a bunch of stills from 2013 movies the other day, including this first look at The Hobbit II: The Desolation of Smaug that shows Martin Freeman as Bilbo lounging about on Smaug’s gold hoard. That can’t end well.
THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG (Peter Jackson)
Starring MICHAEL PEÑA as Officer Navidad Ramirez, RYAN GOSLING as Sgt. Jerry Wooters, ROBERT PATRICK as Officer Max Kennard, ANTHONY MACKIE as Officer Coleman Harris and JOSH BROLIN as Sgt. John O’Mara
Walter Hill directs this graphic novel adaptation! It’s based on the French Du Plomb Dans La Têteby Matz and Colin Wilson. It stars Sylvester Stallone who has clearly taken an axe to his head which left his eyebrows in suspended animation. Seriously, Sly. WTF!!!! You are 66 years old and it’s been a hard life but…AIEEEE. Co stars include Sung Kang, Sarah Shahi, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Christian Slater, Jon Seda, Weronika Rosati and Jason Momoa
That’s Sarah Shahi with Sly’s eyebrows. Also he has the felt hair of a G.I. Joe figure. Why do we suspect this will not be one of the more PRESTIGIOUS comic book movies?
Richard LeGravenese directs this story of star crossed southern lovers who meet up with supernatural shit. It stars ALDEN EHRENREICH as Ethan Wate and ALICE ENGLERT as Lena Duchannes and does not takes place at TWILIGHT.
JACK THE GIANT SLAYER
Bryan Singer slums from the X-men to direct this fairy tale. NICHOLAS HOULT plays Jack. The rest of the cast includes Eleanor Tomlinson, Stanley Tucci, Ian McShane, Bill Nighy, Ewan McGregor. McShane and McGregor in one picture. Good
42 (Brian Helgeland)
Chadwick Boseman as Jackie Robinson and Harrison Ford as Branch Rickey in the story of the first African American major league baseball player.
THE GREAT GATSBY
Baz Luhrmann directs what is sure to be an understated version of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic tale of Jazz Age overindulgence, with Leo Di Caprio as Jay, Carey Mulligan as Daisy and Tobey Maguire as Nick. Beautiful shirts.
THE HANGOVER PART III
Director Todd Phillips is back as are Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms , Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha and Ken Jeong.
MAN OF STEEL
WOW this movie is going to be incredibly toyetic, isn’t it? Guillermo del Toro directs a big MECHA VS KAIJU movie, starring the guy from Sons of Anarchy, Rinko Kikushi (who has Knives Chau’s haircut for some reason), and Idris Elba because every action movie must include Idris Elba. Also, Rob Kazinsky who was originally to play Fili in THE HOBBIT until mysterious health issues forced him off the production. I liked Dean O’Gorman fine as Fili, but Kazinsky would have been more of a “twin” with Aidan Turner’s Kili.
THE CONJURING (James Wan)
WE’RE THE MILLERS (Rawson Marshall Thurber>
GETAWAY (Courtney Solomon and Yaron Levy)
Teen star/Bieber object of desire Selena Gomez teams up with Ethan Hawke for a remake of the Professional a thriller. Hawke is a burnt out race car driver whose family has been kidnapped! Gomez is a young hacker who is the only person who can aid him! Jon Voight plays the Sinister Older White Man. HEY GIRL — a driver who chews on a toothpick? Very original!
Heidi MacDonald is the founder and editor in chief of The Beat. In the past, she worked for Disney, DC Comics, Fox and Publishers Weekly. She can be heard regularly on the More To Come Podcast. She likes coffee, cats and noble struggle.