Rep. David Wu (D-OR) took to the House floor yesterday to warn us of a grave threat: Klingon’s disguised as Vulcans have infiltrated the highest reaches of our government, and sabotaged (that’s SAB-AH-TAAAGED) our foreign policy. While we feel that the Federation Starfleet should immediately be deployed in a surge of strength, Wonkette explains that a diplomatic solution may need to be sought:
The foreign-policy “Vulcans” of the first Bush Administration were not, in fact, named for a fictional pointy-eared race of logical space monsters who breed every seven years. And only Condi Rice and Stephen Hadley remain of the original group, who took their name from the Roman god Vulcan — a massive statue of which stands in Rice’s hometown of Birmingham.
This is far from the first time that extra-normal beings have infiltrated the government. Before the fall elections, now-ousted Senator Rick Santorum explained that we were up against the Eye of Mordor:
In an interview with the editorial board of the Bucks County Courier Times, embattled Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum has equated the war in Iraq with J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings.” According to the paper, Santorum said that the United States has avoided terrorist attacks at home over the past five years because the “Eye of Mordor” has been focused on Iraq instead.
“As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else,” Santorum said. “It’s being drawn to Iraq and it’s not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don’t want the Eye to come back here to the United States.”
Alarmingly, around the same time, former White House Adviser David Kuo, out promoting his book, felt that Sauron’s influence may have gone even higher
Kuo: “It’s a little bit of both. In some ways White House power is like [J.R.R.] Tolkien’s ring of power. When you put it on, it feels good and it’s dazzling. But after a while it begins to consume you in ways you don’t realize. That’s the nature of White House power. I have no doubt that Christian political leaders have gotten involved for all the right reasons. I just think over time it becomes harder and harder to stand up against that ring of power and the White House, to say no and walk away.
Can the nation withstand this combined Sauron/Klingon attack? Have two of the greatest evils ever unleashed truly united to destroy our homeland?