People have been trying to uncover the truth about Chip Zdarsky’s scheme to take over the world for years, and the doomsday clock ticked closer to midnight with the announcement that he is signing an exclusive deal with Marvel! Zdarsky’s sinister plot has become terrifyingly closer to reality.
“I’m thrilled to be with Marvel,” Zdarsky shared, hiding his evil scheme. “This deal means I get to do whatever I want with whatever characters I want and nobody can stop me, which is great. I feel reinvigorated, like someone slapped a new #1 on me and, honestly? I couldn’t be happier.”
“What more can be said about Chip Zdarsky that he hasn’t already said about himself?” added editor-in-chief C.B. Cebulski. “But seriously, in the time he’s been at Marvel, Chip’s shown us all the most amazing range of skills as a writer, from his biting humor on Howard the Duck, to the way he approaches Marvel continuity in original ways in Peter Parker, to the heart and humanity he brings to Marvel 2-in-One. We’re proud to have him as part of the Marvel family and to let him do whatever he wants with whatever characters he wants. Maybe.”
Zdarsky has been on the radar of deep state watchers for a long time, ever since Prison Funnies to be honest. Observers became more alarmed with his run for Mayor of Toronto, not to mention the success of Sex Criminals, which Zdarsky draws (written by Matt Fraction). But when Zdarsky began working for Marvel, his plan became even clearer.
Zdarsky’s first foray into Marvel was a revamp of Howard The Duck, featuring art by Joe Quinones. Later he found even greater success by writing Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man with Adam Kubert, which opened at #1. According to Marvel, his take on the character was “quirky but also full of heart”, but we say it was full of coded messages that attempt to enslave humans under Zsarsky’s mind control.
Want proof? In 2017, a sketch from Zdarsky on the back of Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man inspired 20 “How To Draw” variant covers, each one featuring advice on how to draw some of Marvel’s most recognizable characters. His influence was spreading, but it was all too late. And now Zdarsky has reclaimed Marvel 2-In-One, a Bronze Age classic, infusing it with his accursed modern humor and pathos.
And it continues. In June, Zdarsky teams with Mike Allred for Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #1 and Declan Shalvey for Marvel 2-In-1 Annual #1.
History will look back and say we did nothing to stop the march of Zdarsky. How will we be judged?
Heidi MacDonald is the founder and editor in chief of The Beat. In the past, she worked for Disney, DC Comics, Fox and Publishers Weekly. She can be heard regularly on the More To Come Podcast. She likes coffee, cats and noble struggle.