Some people would have us believe that martial arts star Jackie Chan has joined Twitter. We find this unlikely for several reasons:
First, he has a movie — Shinjuku Incident — getting its US release any day now and, shockingly, movie stars are well known to suddenly join Twitter just to promote their new flicks — even if, as in the case of Hugh Jackman, they are literally phoning it in. Jackman, you’ll recall, was forced to admit that he was merely dictating his Tweets after his twitter feed revealed many embarrassing misspellings and inaccuracies that a real Aussie would never make.
Second off, if Jackie Chan was really on Twitter, do you think two of his only six friends would be Oprah and Ellen? What, he couldn’t Google Joy Behar?
We know Jackie is now the old foxy grampa martial arts guy now, who warns the kids to keep practicing while he whittles on a bamboo stick, but that’s just pathetic.
Actually, I think it might be Jackie twittering. I mean, sure it’s a shameless bit of self-promotion and sure he’s probably telling an assistant what to type, but here’s the CSI on why I think it’s him:
EXHIBIT A: “I am in another meeting about my new museum in shanghai. Meeting, meeting, meeting!”
EXHIBIT B: “I am so tired”
These two posts sound like the same, unedited Jackie Chan voice that appeared on the blog over at the Jackie Chan website for years. This is the Jackie who blogs about being lonely in hotel rooms and staying up all night binge buying on the Home Shopping Network. This is the same Jackie who admits he’s a hoarder and a compulsive shopper. This is the same Jackie who complains about being “in hell” having make-up applied for FORBIDDEN KINGDOM, who rants about the fact that Jet Li doesn’t have to wear the same amount of prosthetics and who goes off on the RUSH HOUR movies for being disappointments.
EXHIBIT C: “Lucky 7 are feeding bunnies this morning!”
Jackie has always been in love with cute animals. Blog readers were treated to the long and tragic saga of Jones, his beloved golden retriever who ran away and was eerily replaced by “Substitute Jones.” This was a crushing emotional blow for Chan and many suspect he has never recovered no matter how hard “Substitute Jones” tried.
EXHIBIT D: He mentions SHINJUKU INCIDENT and then goes on to talk about LITTLE BIG SOLDIER. SHINJUKU is being four-walled by an investor who is the same guy who released Chan’s THE MYTH in the US a few years ago. From what I understand, it’s paid for out of the guy’s pocket. From what I’ve seen of his marketing campaign so far, it does not include anything so clever as a Twitter feed from Jackie. Also, reading the posts, Jackie is much more excited about LITTLE BIG SOLDIER than SHINJUKU. Why? Because SHINJUKU is an older film and it couldn’t be released in China which is one of the last territories where Chan is still something like a box office god. LITTLE BIG SOLDIER is a Chinese co-production. I’d be more excited about it too. I bet on quiet nights he can hear the LITTLE BIG SOLDIER cash tinkling into his pockets already.
EXHIBIT E: “We are at the airport waiting for our flight to Shanghai! We are playing Uno!”
The guy is the Asian ambassador for Segway for Christ’s sake. An endorsement deal with Uno makes sense.
EXHIBIT F: No mention of THE SPY NEXT DOOR. I think he just wants to bury that one in a shallow grave next to Jones.
Jackie Chan deserves to be more than my kids’ Mr. Miyagi. Get on the ball, Hollywood!
His assistant Victoria claims to be posting most of the content, but if it’s not him it’s someone with access to an awful lot of pictures of him sleeping and playing with his dogs.
I dunno, man. In Hong Kong, everyone’s assistant is named Victoria. I think they’re all just hyper-advanced bots using the generic assistant template known as “Victoria.”
By the way, for uncensored Sad Jackie love downloads, his blog is indispensable:
http://www.jackiechan.com/blog
Here he is blogging about twittering:
“Twitter. I don’t know what that is, but my new assistant Victoria told me that I have to Twitter. Everybody has a Twitter account, including Brett Ratner, Ellen DeGeneres and Taraji Henson. If all of my friends have it, then it must be a good thing. Victoria is teaching me how to use it. I cannot believe how fast it is! If you have a Twitter account, you can follow me at http://www.twitter.com/EyeOfJackieChan. I will Twitter as much as I can. Honestly, as long as it is a good thing and is educational, then that is okay. We will see what happens. I wait for the response.”
Jackie blogs about the disaster in Haiti. Obviously, he disagrees with Sarah Palin about the causes of global warming:
“Everyday, every year, there are so many natural disasters. I actually think that humans are the ones creating these disasters. Humans hurt the land, the sea, the forest, the river, the sky – everything!”
In fact, Jackie takes it further. He thinks that all natural disasters are clear evidence that the planet is jacking us up…on PURPOSE!
And then, Jackie cleans the toilet:
“Also I realize a lot of people do not clean up after themselves. I am cleaning the toilet, cleaning after everyone. Remember the next person who will you the toilet after you use it!”
And then…things get weird:
“I also met a young lady who is terminally ill. Of 1.3 billion people in China, only 3 have this sickness. She will pass away in 3 months and she does not even know. The whole city is helping her. The whole city knows that she will pass away but nobody talks about it. Everybody is taking care of her.”
Thanks for blogging, Jackie!
Why do you doubt that it’s really Jackie? His Twitter account is a Verified Account and that’s only done when someone can prove they’re the real deal.
I dislike Jackie. Overrated.